Remember The Future
by Lur27
Summary: Castle is involved in a car crash and his and Beckett's lives give a 180º turn. With a long recovery ahead, will they become closer or even farther apart? Angst and fluff in equal measure. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 Crash

**A/N:** Hello everyone! Happy New Year! Kind of late, I know, but better late than never, right? I'm really happy to be back. These have been a very busy couple of weeks and I've missed writing a lot.

This story is going to be weird, so be prepared for anything… Lots of angst, which is weird, cause I love fluff but, this is what I came up with, so I'll stick with it. I kind of love the idea so far; I just hope I can capture it the way I want. Anyway, I hope you like it

Short chapter, I know. They will grow on length, I promise.

**DISCLAIMER: No, I have nothing to do with Castle, it's not mine and never will be so, stop bugging me, ok? :P**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1. CRASH<strong>

Rick Castle turned the key on the lock of his loft's door trying to force down that weird feeling on his stomach. He didn't know why, but he had the feeling that something was about to happen and it wasn't good. He had argued with Beckett because he didn't want to leave her alone, but she had been right when she said that, preparing his daughter's birthday party, was more important than going with her to talk to a possible suspect. So, after 30 minutes of fruitless whining and pouting, she sent him home promising to call him if something came up on the case.

Three hours later, he was sitting on his couch torn between getting plastic cups and using the real thing on his teen's party. His daughter only turned 19 once and he wanted it to be special but he wasn't sure her friends would understand the delicateness of Bohemian crystal. Yep, plastic cups it was.

His phone rang dragging him out of his thoughts. He checked the ID and it was Esposito. Weird.

"Hey Espo, what's up?" He greeted the detective.

"Hey, bro! Is Beckett with you? I've been calling her for hours and her phone sends me to voice mail all the time." He asked.

Castle felt his heart chill at those words. "No, I'm home and she's not here, I left her like 3 hours ago, she was going to check on this guy, Sanchez, the vic's ex-room mate. She should have been back a long time ago."

"Oh, shit! We just got the DNA results, Sanchez's our guy." The detective couldn't hide his worry. "I'll call you later, bro." And he hung up the phone.

"Esposito? Hello? Damn it!"

Rick threw his phone on the couch, got up, reached for his coat and left his apartment in record time. He had gotten his SUV's keys, there was no time to call a car or hail a cab. He had to find her. He still remembered the address she had written on a piece of paper, right before his eyes, no more than 4 hours ago.

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><p>Kate was driving her Crown Vic and pressing the redial button every time Castle's phone sent her to his voice mail. Where the hell was he? She had talked to Esposito like 10 minutes ago. Her phone had gone out of battery without her noticing until she got to her car and she had plugged it to charge it when she found like a million lost calls from the precinct. Espo told her he had called Castle and she knew he would be freaking out since then, which made even weirder the fact that he was not answering.<p>

Suddenly it hit her. He was going to her rescue. If he thought she was in danger, he would have left to look for her and she knew he had seen her write that address on a post-it. Without even thinking about it, she made a U turn and headed to Sanchez' apartment.

After driving for a while she noticed the black SUV she had been following for about 2 minutes. She read the plate. It was him. She dialed his number again but he never picked up. She honked but it only got her an infuriated glare from the driver on the car next to her. She turned on the high beams on bursts to catch his attention but that didn't seem to work either.

She looked ahead and saw that the traffic light at the end of the block had just turned to amber. She would go to him when they stopped.

The light changed to red but his car didn't slowed down.

"Brake! You're going to run the red light, you idiot!" She couldn't stop herself even when she knew he couldn't hear her.

She used her high beams again to warn him. He looked up on his retro visor mirror and saw her. It was Beckett, safe and sound on the car behind his. He smiled and raised his hand to let her know he had seen her. Kate noticed his gesture but he wasn't stopping, he hadn't seen the red light yet. She honked again but it was too late. He passed the light and just when she stopped, she saw the truck. A huge trailer was heading towards his car very fast.

"No, no, no, no, no. Stop! Please, Stop! NOOO!" And time froze. She couldn't move, she couldn't breath, she couldn't think.

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><p>The truck crashed against Rick's car on a deafening roar. The SUV seemed like a toy car as the huge truck pushed it against the building in the other side of the road. When Kate was able to get on her feet again she run towards the car, or what was left of it, to find Rick smashed against the Airbag, pieces of the windscreen nailed on his face and arms, his eyes were still open but he was out and there was so much blood. She reached him to feel his pulse. It was weak, but it was there.<p>

"Yes! Stay with me, please. Please, Rick, don't you dare to die on me." Tears were sliding down her cheeks without her even noticing. She pulled out her phone and called an ambulance and sent an Emergency message to the boys.

The ambulance was there in no time. The paramedics had to fight her hard to make her move from his side; she didn't want to leave him. He never left her alone when she was shot. She wanted to be there for him too. When they had managed to move her from his side she spotted the trucker and, before she knew what she was doing, Ryan was trying to separate her from him. She was shouting and holding the man by his shirt's lapels, threatening him.

"If that man dies, I'll kill you with my own hands, you hear me? If my partner dies, I'll kill you!" Esposito joined Ryan in pulling her from the guy, who was absolutely devastated and in shock.

"Hey, Beckett, calm down. Please, you gotta calm down, OK?" Ryan told her. "Look at me!" He had to take her head between his hands and move it to make her look at him. "They're taking him to the hospital, you can't go with him on the ambulance but we'll take you." The young cop was overwhelmed by her reaction. He had never seen Beckett loose her cool like that before. "You need to breath, Kate." The shock showed on her face. She didn't blink. He held her hand and moved her to the car, where Esposito was waiting for them.

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><p>Kate was sitting – or lying – on a plastic chair. Her head on her hands, her legs shaking uncontrollably, her head spinning out of control, thinking about what would happen if he died. He could not die. She had survived a bullet for him, she was changing all her life for him, she was going to risk everything for him. No, the bastard couldn't leave her now. Period.<p>

A pair of shoes appeared under her eyes. She looked up to find Ryan holding a cup of coffee for her. It would have been a nice gesture at any other time but, right then, it only made her break down again. Tears fell down her face as her body started to shake violently, she couldn't breath, something was pressing against her chest, making it impossible to put air inside. The pair of shoes vanished through the corridor, running.

A couple of minutes later two pairs of hands were holding her, she had a glass of water on her hand and someone put a pill on her mouth and ordered her to drink, so she did.

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><p>Time went by. Kate was dozing on her chair when the jumble woke her up. Martha and Alexis were there, scared and confused, asking questions and getting no answers. She couldn't face them right now. This was all her fault, how was she supposed to tell them what had happened? They were going to hate her.<p>

"Kate! Oh my God, what happened? How's Richard? Do you know anything? Please!" Martha was out of control.

"I- He…" She couldn't go on. Alexis was pressed against her. Her head was on her shoulder, her arms circling her waist, she was crying like a baby. "There was a car crash. He ran a red light and there was a truck…" Her legs trembled; her head was doing that stupid thing again. Her heart was racing and her eyes didn't seem to want to focus. Before she knew what was going on, Martha and Alexis were putting her back on a chair.

"Is she ok?" Alexis asked Esposito, who was entering the waiting room at that precise moment.

"She witnessed everything. She was right behind him on her car. Tried to warn him but it was too late."

"Oh, my goodness! Poor child!" Martha put an arm around Kate's shoulder and brought her to her side, cradling her. "Do you know anything about my son?"

Esposito didn't know how tell her. "The doctors said he's in coma. He's lost a lot of blood; they've already given him a transfusion. His back is injured; they still don't know how bad it is. They're… you know doctors, they are never optimistic… That's all I know by now." He took Alexis' hand. "I'm really sorry."

"This is all my fault." Kate said. All three pairs of eyes fixed on her. "He was looking for me. If I had picked up my stupid phone, this would have never happened."

TBC.

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><p><strong>AN:** I have the feeling that most of you will find Kate a LOT out of character. I know, I know! It's just that we've been seeing a lot more about her on the last few episodes, they're showing us that she's not a robot. She has feelings and emotions and she's learning to let them out so they don't consume her. I also have to say that she's in shock at the moment and she doesn't really know what she's doing, she's not really herself. Anyway, I hope you get the idea.

PLEASE, please, please, review! I love reading your opinions, whatever they are. I'm a rookie, I need advise :P

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2 Guilt

**A/N: **Hey guys! Thanks to all of you reading, reviewing and adding this story to alerts and favorites and all that. I'm really happy that you're liking this.

This chapter is not very long either but I've been busy today and I've only been able to write at night. Right now is 2:08 am here. I'm sorry about typos, misspells and whatever mistakes you can find. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 2. GUILT<strong>

"This is all my fault." Kate said. All three pairs of eyes fixated on her. "He was looking for me. If I had picked up my stupid phone, this would have never happened."

Alexis was looking at her through teary eyes. "What do you mean?"

"It died. The battery died and they couldn't reach me." She looked at Esposito. "He called your dad and told him they didn't know where I was so, he left to find me." She was crying again. "I always plug the stupid thing when I get into the car. Why didn't I do it this morning? Damn it!" She hit the floor with both her feet.

"Kate, this is not your fault, darling. You didn't know what was going to happen." Martha was trying to comfort the young detective, when she was the one needing comfort.

Alexis nodded. "Yeah, gram is right. You couldn't know." The girl was trying to hold her tears. She wanted to be strong but her shaky hands and her trembling voice gave her away.

A doctor appeared on the doorway and Martha and Alexis got up immediately. The girl looked at Beckett asking with her eyes if she was coming. The woman didn't move. She couldn't. Both Castle women left with the doctor, hand in hand, trying to reassure each other.

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><p>Doctor Miller was quiet until they reached his office. He made them sit down and then talked.<p>

"I can't lie to you, this is not good, Mrs. Rodgers. He's lost too much blood; he's going to need another transfusion. He's got internal bleeding but we can't find where it comes from and we need to operate to find out, which is very dangerous on his state. He's got a back injury, seems curable but, even if he made it past tonight, it would take a long time till he could walk properly again. There is also a severe head trauma, which we presume caused the coma." He paused to look both women in the eyes. They were devastated. "There are a lot of things to do, but we can't touch him until we stabilize his constants and we can't do that without opening up to find the source of the bleeding. Our hands are tied up until you tell us what to do."

Martha took a deep breath and squeezed Alexis' hand before she spoke. "What you mean, doctor, is that if you don't do anything he will die and, if you do, he might die anyway."

The man nodded. "Yes, that's what I'm saying."

"Then, I suggest you to start doing your job and do whatever you can to save my son's life." Martha stood up pulling Alexis with her and started walking to the door. "Since when do you have to ask a mother if she wants to do whatever it takes to save her child?"

"It's how procedure goes ma'am. I couldn't do it any other way, I hope you understand." The man walked past them, closing the door and speeding his pace to find his team and start working on saving his patient's life.

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><p>Beckett was still lying on that plastic chair when Lanie appeared. The ME looked at her for a minute before making her presence known. Kate was a mess. Her hair was disheveled; her make up was completely ruined, black grooves going down her cheeks, spreading the mascara all over her face. Her blouse was barely in place and she had taken her shoes off.<p>

"Hey." Was all she could say at that sight.

Kate looked up to meet her gaze, fighting back the tears forming on her eyes, once again. "Hey."

Lanie sat beside her, holding her friend close to her, trying to comfort her. "How is he? Do you know anything yet?"

"No. Martha and Alexis are talking to his doctor right now." She said trying to clean up her face a little. "It was horrible, Lanie. I thought he was dead. I couldn't move, I couldn't think straight. It took me at least five minutes to get out of my car and go check on him. I couldn't fight the fear of finding him dead in there." She was crying and she wasn't fighting it anymore. She needed to let it out. "His eyes were still open when I got near him. Blank and lifeless, they scared the shit out of me." She snuggled a little closer to her friend, seeking the warmth.

"I know how it is. I was there when you were shot. Never want to go through anything close to that again." Lanie stroked Kate's head.

Martha and Alexis entered the waiting room once again with worried looks on their faces. Kate got up and moved closer to them.

"So? How is he?" She couldn't hide her preoccupation.

"He's dying!" Said Alexis on a whisper, burying her head on her grandmother's shoulder.

"He's on a critic condition. If they don't do anything he will die but what they need to do could kill him on his current state. They needed to know if I wanted to do anything about it or just let him die. How can they ask something like that?" Martha sobbed.

Kate's eyes were wide in expectation; she didn't know what Martha had decided. She wouldn't just let him die, would she?

As if she could read her mind Martha kept talking. "They're getting him ready for surgery. They need to open up in order to find out where he's bleeding out from." She moved to Kate and took her hand. "This is going to take a long time. Maybe you should leave and have some rest, dear. You've been here all day."

Kate shook her head effusively. "No, no. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay here until we know something more… If you don't mind..."

"Oh, darling! You're like family to us! You can stay here as long as you want. I'm just worried about you, kiddo. Spending the night on one of those chairs can't be good for you." Martha said, moving her eyes from her gaze to her chest, for just the briefest of moments.

"I'll be just fine, Martha. You don't have to worry about me." Kate tried to give her a small hint of a smile. "And… Thank you." Kate didn't know what she was more touched about; the 'you're like family' thing or Martha's concern about her well being, when her own son was debating between life and death.

Lanie looked at the three women and put her hands on her waist. "Ok, if we're spending here the night, we need to be prepared. You – a finger pointing to Kate - are coming with me to get some coffee for the ladies here and for us. You need to get warm and the walk and the fresh air will do you good. Grab your coat."

"I forgot it in my car when… Whatever. I don't have one." She shrugged.

Alexis took her coat off and handed it to Kate. "Here, you can take mine."

"Thanks." Kate tried to smile to the girl but she only could give her a sad grimace before she left after Lanie.

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><p>Lanie and Kate walked out of the Hospital door and headed to a close café. The ME had spent a lot of time sitting on those booths after Kate's shooting. She had wished she never had to walk in there again.<p>

They got inside and Lanie told Kate to sit while she waited the line to get their coffee. They needed to talk before they went back to the waiting room. This was being very hard on Kate and she needed to let it out before she buried it inside and let it consume her. She had to make her talk.

When she got their coffees Lanie sat on the booth in front of Kate and took her hand on hers. "How are you?" she asked.

"Great. Can't you tell?" Kate said using her best sarcastic tone. "What a question, Lanie! How do you think I am? My partner is dying in there." She said pointing a hand forwards the Hospital building.

Lanie looked down and let go of her hand. "I'm sorry, Lane. I didn't mean to talk to you like that. I'm just… This is… I don't know."

"You're scared. It's ok." Lanie tried to meet her friend's eyes but she was looking intently at the table.

"I am. I'm terrified. I can't stop thinking that if he doesn't make it I'll have to live knowing that I won't see him again. He's dying on that OR and I'm thinking about how miserable I'd be." A single tear run down her already messed up cheek. "When I got to the car and saw his face, those dead eyes… I was mad at him. For not taking his phone with him, for not hearing me honking before, for not seeing my beam waves, for trying to be a hero and going out to find me…" She picked up her cup with shaky hands and drank her coffee. "I was mad at him for leaving me alone, for breaking his promise."

Lanie looked at her through concerned eyes. "Always?"

"Yeah. I always thought I'd be the one to break it. I almost did." She gave her friend a dry smile.

Lanie reached for her hand again, squeezing it lightly. "But you didn't. And neither will he."

They both drank the rest of their coffee in silence before going back to the hospital. It hadn't go the way Lanie wanted but at least she had let out something. Maybe she could manage to make her talk a little bit more later.

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><p>When they got to the waiting room Esposito and Ryan had joined Martha and Alexis. The detective and her friend took their seats and waited along with the others.<p>

A couple of hours past until Dr. Miller appeared again. His face was serious. He looked at Martha who stood up trying not to wake up a dozing Alexis. Kate got up too and looked at the older woman asking permission to be there with her. Martha nodded and held her arm to support herself while they walked out into the corridor.

"We found the source of the bleeding. We could stop it and clean it up but he went into respiratory and cardiac arrest." Martha's grip on Kate's arm tightened. "He's been hypoxic for almost half a minute. We don't know what kind of damage it has caused to his brain. The only thing we can do now is wait and see if he wakes up." The doctor took a second to look at the women in front of him. "I don't want to be ominous but I wouldn't count on it. I'm sorry." And he left.

Both women were speechless. The only thing Kate could do was looking at the space Dr. Miller had been occupying a moment ago as if he was still there. Her mouth was opening and shutting without producing any sounds. Martha had closed her eyes and Kate could tell she was fighting tears with all her willpower just not to scare Alexis.

They walked back inside; Kate walked Martha to her chair and made a sign to Lanie to follow her back outside the room.

"What did he say?" Lanie asked as soon as they were out.

"They don't think he's going to make it, Lanie. I need your help to sneak in. I need to see him before he…." She couldn't finish the sentence.

"Honey, I don't think that's a good idea. We don't even know where he is." Lanie told her putting her hand on her shoulder.

"I need to say goodbye. They won't let me see him any other way, Lanie. I'm not family. I just need to do this." Kate's eyes showed all the pain she was feeling that moment. Lanie could tell that she was thinking about how she couldn't say goodbye to her mother, how that had hurt and still did.

"Ok. But we need to be fast. I'll try to find out where he is." And she walked away to talk to anyone who could tell her where her friend's partner? Friend? Almost boyfriend? Whatever, was.

TBC

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><p><strong>AN:** I'm sorry about my medical talks. I have no idea of what I'm saying there so I apologize if I'm saying things that are totally out of it. Please tell me if I need to change anything. Or better, tell me WHAT I need to change… :P

I've noticed that most of my text is dialogue. It's kind of my way of going from one thing to another. I don't know if you may find it annoying or anything so just let me know. I like it but maybe I should try to explain myself in any other way?

Please keep reviewing! I LOVE reviews, they make my day. Thanks again for reading. You guys ROCK!


	3. Chapter 3 Hope

**A/N:** Hey everyone! I hope you're all doing great. I had a killer day yesterday and no time to write so, I've been doing my best today to finish work early and hit the keys for a while. Sorry for making you wait :)

*****SPOILER ALERT for 4x11*****

Did you guys see last night's episode? I liked it but I was expecting another thing. I mean, it was fun, I laughed a lot. Beckett's line "That's restoring my faith in my gender" was EPIC and the banter with the 'number' thing was hilarious. But yet, I thought we would see a little bit more of Ryan's wedding. Anyway, this is great for us because now we can write whatever we want about it, right? Let me know what you guys thought ;)

*****END OF SPOILER ALERT*****

And now, to the real thing. I hope you keep enjoying this. Sorry about the possible misspells, typos and whatever you may find in there ;)

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><p><strong>Chapter 3. HOPE<strong>

After a while, Lanie managed to work her magic with a male nurse and found out where Castle was. He had been taken to the Recovery Room after the surgery and he would be there for at least 12 hours. The ME had learned too, that there was going to be a shift change in a couple of hours, which would provide them the perfect way to get in.

"Ok, I've got it solved. We need to tell the boys so they can help us. I have a plan." She told Kate.

The detective stood up like a spring. "Well, let's do it!"

"Whoa! Slow down, girl. We have to wait until the shift change and that won't happen until 10:00 pm." She put a hand on her friend's shoulder to make her sit down again.

"That could be too late, Lanie." Kate's face became dark.

"Geez, girl! Stop being so positive." She gave Kate a hurt look. "You need to be a little more optimistic, honey. He's Castle. Writer Boy's made sticking around his own damn thing. What makes you think he's going anywhere?" Lanie tried humor to cheer her friend up a little.

"I don't know. He's always been a pro when it comes to annoy me." Kate answered back, thanking her friend's effort.

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><p>Martha had been hearing their talk and was a little curious about what the two women were plotting.<p>

"What are you girls up to?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Mm… I… Actually... I should tell you about it." Kate paused to take a breath. "Lanie is going to help me to sneak in to see him." She narrowed her eyes as in trying to muffle her words. "I know you're his family and you should see him first but I won't be allowed to go in when… If… whatever happens." Kate put her hands on her face, trying to cover her embarrassment. "God! I feel terrible. You must think I'm the most selfish person on earth. His mother and his daughter are here and all I can think of is me..."

"Darling," Martha said taking one of Kate's hands from her face. "Stop it. I understand."

"You… do?" Kate asked in disbelieve.

"I do." She said, giving the younger woman a look that spoke volumes of how well she understood.

Kate couldn't hide a smile. She looked Martha in the eyes trying to show her how right she was. "Thank you."

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><p>Ryan and Esposito where talking outside the waiting room, each one holding a fresh cup of coffee. Both men looked worried and exhausted.<p>

Lanie approached the couple of detectives. "Hey guys, we're gonna need your help."

Esposito gave her a suspicious look. "What is it?"

"Kate wants to sneak in to see Castle. Doctors haven't been very optimistic and she… Well, she wants to say goodbye." Her eyes looked down to the floor trying to hide the sorrow it caused her thinking about her friend dying.

"Oh. Wow. Sure, we're in." Said Ryan. "I can't believe this is happening, man. I mean, this is Castle. He can't die."

"Yeah, I know, bro." Esposito said, putting a hand on his partner's shoulder. "I'm sure he'll be fine. No one's ever been able to tell that man what to do. If they say he won't make it, he'll do." Espo tried to put on a smile but failed.

"Ok. This is what I need you to do." Lanie started to explain them the plan.

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><p>Time went by so slowly that Kate was looking at her watch constantly to check if the clockwise were still moving. When, finally, it showed it was almost 10 pm Kate let out a loud sight and stood up. Lanie followed suit and warned the boys, who were still outside.<p>

"It's time, guys." She said, touching Javi's arm. "Let's move."

The two detectives moved closer to the nurse's station to watch them as they changed shift. They needed to be sure they talked to the 'new' ones when they got into action. After several minutes they were certain none of the 'old' nurses was still around and they started their act.

Ryan took out his badge and approached the desk with it in his hand. "Good night. I'm detective Kevin Ryan and this is detective Javier Esposito, NYPD. We're here to talk to a suspect. He was brought here like an hour ago."

"Good night, detectives. Let me check on our database. What's the patient's name?"

"Philips, Raymond Philips." Esposito rushed to say when Ryan went blank.

Javier made a sign to Lanie to let her know the nurse wasn't looking. When her and Kate where about to move inside, the nurse looked back up and they froze.

"I'm sorry, sir. There's no Raymond Philips here." The woman said.

"Are you sure? He's got to be here. Could you please check again?" Ryan asked.

"Sure, sir." The nurse gave the cop an annoyed look. She stated typing the fake patient's name again and as it came back negative again she called another nurse. "Hey, Linda. Do you know if there's a new patient by the name of Raymond Philips? These detectives are here to talk to him and I can't find him on the database."

Linda had no idea. It was perfect. The confusion the boys had generated had brought there almost every nurse on the floor and all of them were trying to find out who the hell was Raymond Philips and why he was not registered on their database as a patient.

Lanie and Kate opened the door with the sign 'Only hospital staff allowed' and got inside. They walked through a long corridor until they got to a junction.

"Left or right?" Kate asked.

"I have no idea… I forgot to ask that little detail." Lanie answered with a guilty smile.

Kate gave her a little nod and said "It's ok, we can always turn around if we don't find it."

They went to the right and, after a little while, just when they were about to turn around, they found the recovery room.

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><p>Kate wandered inside the dark room. There were 12 beds all separated by navy blue curtains. Some of the beds were empty, others hold sleeping bodies tied to every kind of life support machines. It gave her Goosebumps.<p>

She looked around the beds and found him. He looked horrible. His face was swollen, all covered with little cuts from the windshield pieces. He had bruises all over, a broken arm and patches covering wounds on his shoulders and chest. Two tubes came out of his mouth and into two different machines. One, she supposed, was the ventilator - his chest moved up and down on a very unnatural way - There were more tubes and wires coming out of his body, connecting him to all kinds of junk that helped keeping him alive with regular and irritating beeps.

Kate moved closer to him. She touched his face, just with her fingertips, fearing causing him more pain. He was deadly cold and a chill ran through her hand to the rest of her body. Just to reassure herself, she searched for his pulse, knowing it was ridiculous, having a dozen monitors there telling her he was alive.

She took a chair and sat right beside the bed, leaning down, her crown touching his left cheek and her hand stroking his hair.

"You have no idea the hassle you've organized out there. You'd be glad, Mr. Drama Queen." She talked to the sleeping body of her partner. "We're all worried about you. Doctors say…" She paused as tears started to run down her face. "You can't leave now, Castle. You and I have a deal and, as the man of his word you are, you're going to honor it. You have to." Kate closed her eyes and cried for a little while.

When she felt a little bit stronger she wiped her tears off and moved to kiss his forehead. "You can't miss our first date." She paused and smiled remembering something. "See how it was a good idea not setting a day? This way we don't have to reschedule."

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><p><em><strong>Ten days before…<strong>_

_The car sank into the freezing water as fast as a blink. The man who had pushed it down to the Hudson watched as it disappeared under the brownish flow._

_Meanwhile, inside the car, a New York detective and her partner laid on the back seat unconscious. The water started to seep inside the car damping their feet. Castle was the first one to wake up._

"_Beckett?" he stopped to look around him completely disoriented. "What the f-? Beckett, wake up! C'mon, Kate! Wake up!" He shook her, holding her shoulders tightly._

"_Aw, Castle, stop it! What the hell are you -? Oh, shit!" Kate said realizing where they were. "We gotta get outta here."_

"_No. Really?" Sarcasm flew out of Castle's mouth without even thinking._

_The two partners tried to find a way out. The water was getting inside fast and that made the car to sink even more into the deep. There was no way to open the windows; they were blocked._

"_Take out your boots, maybe we could break the glass with them. Those suicidal stilts you walk on are starting to get useful lately."_

_Kate gave him a glare through narrowed eyes while she took out her boots, handing him one of them. They hit the glass with everything they got but it didn't brake. After a while of trying and failing they gave up. The water was covering them a little above the waist now._

"_This is not working and that bastard took my gun…" Kate was furious. "What are we going to do?"_

_Almost at the same time she finished the sentence they heard a knock on the windshield. It was Esposito holding a hydraulic jack. He hit the glass with it several times until it began to crack. He pushed it and it gave in. _

_The water filled the car instantly making it sink farther. Castle held Beckett's hand and pulled her out of the vehicle through the windshield gap. They made it to the surface and swam to the shore. The two of them laid on the ground exhausted and shivering until the ambulance arrived and they were checked and warmed up._

_Later at Kate's…_

_Kate opened the door to her apartment and let Castle walk inside before her. She closed the door and went straight to the kitchen to make some coffee._

"_It will be brewed in a minute. Do you wanna take a shower or something?" She asked._

_Castle looked at her a little surprised. "No, thanks. I'm fine now on dry clothes."_

"_What an adventure, huh?" She said at the same time she removed her holster and put the gun on the coffee table._

"_Yeah. It was a luck the boys had caught the guy when they took us out. I don't know what would you have done without your piece." He said looking at the gun._

_She smiled knowingly. "Yeah, me neither." She stood up and walked to the kitchen to check on the coffee._

_Castle looked at her as she walked. "Hey, I've been thinking. Maybe you think I'm crazy but, we're always going through this kind of things and… Well, we've been taking some steps forward lately and I…"_

_Kate turned around and looked at him with a sheepish smile. "Let it out, Castle. What is it?"_

_He closed his eyes before he spoke again. "I think we should… Maybe we should… have a date?"_

_Their eyes locked the moment he opened his. She was a little flushed and was smiling. That was good, right? "Okay, Castle. I think you're right."_

"_You do? Really?" He couldn't believe it had been that easy._

"_Yes. Actually, I had been thinking about that too. I'm glad we agree." She tried to sound nonchalant but he could tell she was nervous. She was biting on her lip a little too much._

"_Good. I can wait, you know. That's not the problem. I just think it would be easier if we took another step forward. When things like today happen I find myself thinking that maybe… I don't know… Maybe we shouldn't wait too long. Do I make any sense?"_

_She walked closer to him and put her hands on his forearms, moving them down until she was holding his hands. "Yes, Rick. You do. And I think you're absolutely right." _

"_Great." He couldn't hide his joy. "When?"_

"_Hmm. That's going to be tricky. We're buried under paperwork and bodies are dropping like raindrops lately… You know what? We should just decide it the day before. When we see there's not much work and neither of us is wanting to die of fatigue. Deal?" She offered her hand._

_He took it without hesitation. "Deal."_

"_Good. Now drink your coffee, you need to get warm." She ordered with a sweet smile._

* * *

><p>Kate smiled at the thought of how they had agreed on having their first date. She took his hand on hers and stroked his fingers with her thumb.<p>

"We can decide where to go when you get better. As long as it takes. You've waited for me, Rick. I will wait for you." She said, squeezing his hand.

Her heart stopped when she felt him squeezing back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** That's it for today. I hope you liked it, at least as much as the first 2.

Again, thank you very much for reading, reviewing, adding the story to your alerts and favorites and just for being there. You ROCK!

I love reviews, they mean a lot to me, so please, make me happy and take a minute to tell me what you thought, ok? Thank you :)


	4. Chapter 4 Awake

**A/N: **Hey there! Another killer day for me today… Thank God I have my therapeutic hobby to save me from going insane :P

I hope you like this chapter. It's not as angst-y as the others, I needed to turn it down a little for my own shake, but I'll pick that up soon, so don't worry angst lovers. Still, it treats some interesting stuff.

Thanks to all the people reading! You really, REALLY, make my day :)

Sorry about any mistakes and whatever you might see there. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 4. AWAKE<strong>

Kate smiled at the thought of how they had agreed on having their first date. She took his hand on hers and stroked his fingers with her thumb.

"We can decide where to go when you get better. As long as it takes. You've waited for me, Rick. I will wait for you." She said, squeezing his hand.

Her heart stopped when she felt him squeezing back. "Rick?" Her eyes popped open and moved to find his face. His blank and relaxed expression made clear he was still unconscious. "Please, don't tell me I've imagined that." She told to no one in particular.

She hovered over him trying to find a sign that made her think he was there. Something to make her believe what she had just felt on her hand was real. "Come on, Castle! This is not the best time for one of your pranks." She squeezed his hand again. No response this time.

"Ok. Your mother and your daughter are out there. Do you want me to tell them you're a freaking vegetal? They need to know you'll be fine. We all do. Please." A single rebel tear made it's way down her cheek landing on his ear. She waited for a minute, hoping he would be listening and that'd make him react. Nothing happened.

Suddenly the door opened and Lanie's head appeared through the hollow. "Kate, someone's coming. Get outta there! Now!"

"Ok, I'll be right there." She turned to look at Rick once again feeling a knot on her stomach. She didn't want to leave him. "I have to go, I shouldn't be here. You've turned me into a delinquent, I hope you're happy." She kissed his forehead once again and as she moved her hand to take it from his, she felt it again. This time she was looking, and could see how his fingers closed slightly around her own. He had moved, it was not her imagination. "You moved! Oh, Thank God!" She kissed the corner of his mouth this time, still holding his hand. "I'll see you later, partner." And she left, sliding her hand on his until their fingers lost contact.

XXXX

Kate and Lanie had to hide for a while in an empty office before they could get out without being noticed. When they arrived at the waiting room everyone there stood up to greet them, requesting all the information they could share.

"Have you seen him, Kate? Is he ok?" Alexis asked tugging her arm and making her sit between her and Martha.

"Yes, I've seen him. He's unconscious. He's got a lot of bruises and wounds and a broken arm. He's on a ventilator. There were thousands of wires and tubes… It scared me." Kate said, looking at the five faces before her, one by one.

Martha was holding Kate's left hand with both of hers, squeezing tight. Kate could say she was frantic, desperate to know anything that could make her believe her son would be just fine.

"I talked to him." Kate went on. "I was holding his hand and he moved it as in trying to hold mine. I thought I had imagined it, but then he did it again and I could see his fingers moving."

"He moved?" They all asked with one voice.

Kate smiled; her eyes showing the hope that simple move had given her. "Yes. He did."

* * *

><p>There were not many changes on the next few days. When the twelve preventive hours passed, they moved Rick to the ICU. He could only have visits twice a day, one hour each time, there could not be more than one person with him in the room and all the visitors had to wear green robes and booties.<p>

Kate took some days off and stayed at Castle's loft. Martha didn't want Alexis to be alone after all she had been through and asked Kate to stay there, so when any of them was visiting Rick at the hospital, there would always be someone there or at home for the girl.

After five days of nothing Kate felt really frustrated. She visited him every day and stayed in the room as much as she could. She liked the mornings, because then Alexis was at school and she could have more time with him. That made her feel really selfish, but she couldn't help the urgency she felt to be at his side, holding his hand and talking to him, waiting for him to move those fingers again.

She arrived at the loft after visiting Rick that morning and when she opened the door she found a very preoccupied Martha.

"Hey Martha." She furrowed her brows. "Is everything ok? Have they called from the hospital? I just left-" All came out in a rush.

Martha stopped her waving her hand and negating with her head. "No, it's not Richard. Alexis is home. This is being so hard on her, Kate. She said she wasn't feeling well and she didn't want to stay at school so she came home. She's locked in Richard's bedroom. I don't know what to tell her, she's so worried…"

"Yeah, I know. Do you want me to talk to her?" She asked, feeling she was maybe overstepping.

Martha gave her a thankful look. "Would you? I know she will listen to you, Kate. She really looks up to you, you know."

"I'll go see how she is." And she left giving Martha a hopeful smile.

* * *

><p>Alexis was curled on his daddy's bed, holding the pillow like a teddy bear and with the sheets covering her head. She wanted to hide, forget about all that was going on outside that room. She wanted her dad back, safe and sound.<p>

Someone knocked on the door. "Alexis? Your grandmother is very worried about you, honey. We only want to know if you're ok."

There was no answer.

"Can I at least come in? We can talk if you want." Kate waited with her ear close to the door. She heard a mattress moving and steps getting closer.

The lock turned and the door was opened from the other side. Kate walked inside the room in time to see Alexis turning back to her cocoon on Castle's bed. She sat by her side, touching her head to let her know she was there. Alexis turned around and laid her head on Kate's lap.

"Hey, Little Castle." Kate said, getting a little smile from the girl. "What's going on, sweetie?"

The smile vanished from the teen's face. "I don't know, Kate. All this… It's too much. I don't know how to deal with it. For the first time in my life I have no clue." The girl said curling even more against Kate.

"I understand, honey. This is really tough for all of us, but specially for you." Kate ran her fingers through Alexis' hair, playing with a lock between her fingers. "It's ok to be scared, Lex. No one said you had to have all the answers and be strong all the time. Things like this are over everyone's heads. It's ok to feel sad and lost sometimes. The good thing is that you will always have someone there for you when you need it."

"Who? If dad…" Tears started to flow through Alexis' blue eyes. "If he… dies…" She closed the eyes at the painful word. "What am I going to do? He's the only parent I've known. I have Meredith but she's like the worst mom ever. Grams' the best but she… Well, she's not dad. If he leaves… Who will be there for me?"

"I'll be, sweetie!" Kate leaned down to put her head in the girl's shoulder, rocking them both a little. "Alexis, you can count on me for anything, ok? Whatever you need, whenever you need it, just call me. With Castle or without him I'll be there for you. Do you understand? No matter what."

Alexis straightened herself on the bed and gave Kate a crushing hug, tears running down both her faces. After talking for a little while they fell asleep soothed by Castle's scent cradling them on his bed.

* * *

><p>When Kate woke up Alexis was gone. She moved to stretch herself, her limbs spreading on the bed. She loved being on that bed; Rick's scent was so intoxicating, she could almost feel him by her side. After some minutes of lingering in there she got out of bed and walked out of the bedroom.<p>

She found Alexis sitting on the couch with a book on her hands. She looked a little more relaxed than the days before. The girl tore her eyes from the book to look at the detective.

"Hey Kate. Did you sleep well?" The girl asked.

"Yes, actually I did. Thanks." She said surprised. She had had a hard time sleeping since the accident. "Where's Martha?"

"She left for the Hospital a while ago. She said we could meet her there. We didn't want to wake you up - Grams says you're not sleeping well - You miss your bed?"

That was a funny question, Kate thought, she had slept better on Rick's bed than on her own. It had been a long time since she had slept more that two hours straight. "Could be, yeah." She lied. Castle's daughter didn't need to know about her personal demons.

After washing herself up a little bit they were ready to leave.

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the hospital Martha was already in the room with her son. She had been there for about 15 minutes when she came out to greet her granddaughter and Kate.<p>

"Hello, darlings! Did you sleep well, Kate? I'm glad you could have some rest, dear." The older woman said.

"Yes. Thank you, Martha. I needed it. How is he? Any changes?" Kate asked.

"Nothing. I talked to Dr. Miller when got I here. He says it could be anytime, today, in a week, next year… They can't really know when a patient will wake up from a coma." Martha informed them.

Alexis' face faded a bit. "Do you mind if I go in first, Kate? I haven't seen him since yesterday morning." The girl asked.

"Of course, Lex. You don't have to ask, he's your father." Kate replied.

"Yeah, but you're his… You're someone special to him too." The redhead stated with a mischievous smile, before she walked inside the room.

Kate frowned at that; she found it interesting that Alexis thought like that. What was she going to say, anyway? She was his what?

* * *

><p>Alexis was sitting on a chair right on the bedside, holding her dad's hand and telling him how much she missed him when she felt his hand move. She looked at it and this time she could see his fingers curling around her own.<p>

"Daddy? Can you hear me?" She asked, gasping a little startled, when she felt him moving again.

Her eyes were stuck to his hand and she missed his eyelids trembling as he tried to open them up. When he achieved his goal he looked down at his daughter and said her name.

"A- Alec-sis?" The girl's heart jumped when she heard his voice.

"Daddy? Oh my God! You're awake!" She hugged him hard, crying.

Rick stroke the girls red hair trying to comfort her. "S' ok, baby, s' ok. Don't cry."

"I have to tell everyone. They're going to be so happy, dad. This is so gr-…" She was cut by the horror expression she saw on her father's face. "What is it, dad? Are you ok?"

"Beckett. Where is she? Is she ok?" Panic was reflected on his voice.

"Yes, dad. She's just fine. She's waiting outside, do you want to see her?" The girl knew he needed to. Even when she told him she was ok, his face showed fear.

"Yes, please." Was all he said.

Alexis went out of the room with a huge smile on her face. The moment Martha and Kate saw her, they knew he was awake.

"Oh my God! Is he ok? Did he talk to you?" Martha asked.

"How does he feel? Have you told him we're here?" were Kate's words.

"He's fine, the nurses are checking on him now. He wants to see you, Kate. He freaked out for a moment, he thought something had happened to you."

Kate realized what it was about. "He thought I was in trouble when he left to find me that day, he probably doesn't remember the crash."

Martha put a hand on Kate's back to make her walk towards the door. "You better go in there and show him you're ok, kiddo. My son's not a very patient man. He'll put up a fuss if he doesn't see you soon."

* * *

><p>When Kate walked into the room the nurses where still checking on him. He looked tired and in pain and the light on his eyes was gone.<p>

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty! What took you so long to wake up?" She said as she walked closer to the bed.

"Kate! You're… fine." He sounded incredulous, his brows furrowed.

"Yes, of course I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" She asked.

He looked at her as if she were asking a crazy thing. "I saw you fall, there was so much blood… It hit you, I'm sure about that."

"Castle, what are you talking about? I wasn't even involved on the crash, I was right behind you, on my car, but nothing happened to me." Kate told him, starting to worry a little.

"The crash? What crash? There was no crash. We were at the funeral and then someone shoot. I thought it had hit you but it must have been me."

Kate's mouth dropped open. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The funeral? Oh my God, Castle. That was over 10 months ago."

* * *

><p>AN: I had to cut it there, I'm sorry. My inspiration is kind of tired today and it's telling me that 3:45 in the morning is not a good time for writing… I hate insomnia!

I hope you've enjoyed it and that you keep reading. Thanks a lot for passing by and taking your time to read and review ;)


	5. Chapter 5 Anger

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Here I am again with the next chapter. I can't say I'm happy with this one… I've been a little blocked today but I wanted to update and, even if it's not what I expected, it's leading me where I want to go, so I think it's ok. (What a publicity, huh? Sure you're dying to read it now…) And well, it's short, but it's the best I could do.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please feel free to comment anything you think I could have done better.

**NOTE**: Congratulations to Nathan Fillion and the rest of the cast and crew of Castle for their winnings last night at the PCAs! You guys are the best!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5. ANGER<strong>

"The crash? What crash? There was no crash. We were at the funeral and then someone shot. I thought it had hit you but it must have been me."

Kate's mouth dropped open. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The funeral? Oh my God, Castle. That was over 10 months ago."

"What? No!" He couldn't hide his bewilderment. "Wait… You mean I've been here for 10 months?"

Kate's eyes were wide, her mouth slightly open trying to find the words. "No. You've been here for six days, Castle. You were involved on a car crash."

His eyes were looking anywhere but her, still trying to fight disbelieve. "A car crash?" he looked at her at last. "Six days?"

"Yes. Six days. You ran a red light and a truck hit your car. You're lucky to be alive." She said, trying to imply the gravity of the accident.

"And the shooting? Have I dreamt it? It felt so real… I was there watching you give a speech and I saw a light and… then… you were on the floor… There was so much blood…" His only healthy hand was trembling.

Kate moved her hand and pulled down the neckline of her shirt, letting him see the little scar it hid underneath. "No, Castle. You didn't dream it. It happened."

* * *

><p>It took the doctors a long time to make Castle and his close ones understand what was going on with him.<p>

After checking on him and making sure he was doing fine, among his condition, they moved him into a regular room. Dr. Miller gathered them all in there to tell them about Castle's amnesia episode.

"It's being caused by the concussion and probably aggravated by the hypoxic episode during surgery. He'll experience memory gaps, just as it's happened right now. He doesn't remember living farther that shooting you told me about, and I assume he remembers that fact because it was strong, emotionally speaking. We can't know yet if it's just related to that moment of his life or if he'll have trouble remembering other things. We will have to wait and see how it goes. There is a big hematoma in his brain and we're hoping it will reabsorb itself in a few days. If that doesn't happen we'll have to intervene to make it go. I think that will help with his memory loss." The doctor finished his speech and found the four people in front of him nodding in agreement, but looking like they had no idea of what he was talking about. "Any questions?" he asked.

Rick looked at his doctor a little confused and spoke. "Yeah, I have a couple of them. Will I ever remember those 10 months of my life? And, Why can't I feel my legs?"

Martha, Alexis and Kate shared concerned and worried glances. This was going to be tough on him.

"Well, Mr. Castle. I can't tell you if you'll get your memory back, we can only hope it will come back to you anytime soon. About for your legs… You have a back injury, two broken vertebrae on the lumbar section. It's serious, but treatable." The doctor informed him.

"I'm a paraplegic! I've lost part of my life and now I can't even get on own my feet? Do you have something I can OD with? I was better in a coma." He slapped feeling frustrated and discouraged.

"Dad!" - "Richard!" - "Castle!" The three women jumped at him at the same time.

"How can you say that, dad? You should be thankful you're alive." Alexis said before storming out of the room.

Martha ran after her, not before giving her son a disappointed glare. "I hope you're happy, Richard."

Rick just gave her a blank expression. He turned to look at Beckett to find her piercing green eyes stabbing him. "What?" he asked. "You think I'm a jerk too?"

"Actually, I do, yes." She shot back, her glare not leaving him.

Dr. Miller was feeling more than a little uncomfortable with the situation and opted for going on with his explanation. "Mr. Castle, I understand this is hard to digest, but I also said this particular injury is treatable. We can fix those vertebrae with surgery; it would imply a long and painful period of rehab, though. It could take over a year until you'd be at 100%."

Rick frowned. "So, you're saying that I will walk again?" Hope was shining on his eyes again.

"Yes. With the proper surgery and a lot of work, you'll be back on your feet in a reasonable lapse of time."

* * *

><p>Dr. Miller was long gone when they finally spoke again. Kate was mad at him, he could tell, and he was mad at himself too. He would have to make up to Alexis for this.<p>

"She's not coming back, is she?" He asked on a sad tone.

"What did you expect after that performance, Castle? She's just been through the worst days of her life. She thought you were going to die and when she finally gets her daddy back, he acts like an absolute prick." Kate scolded him. "You're the most important thing in this world for that girl, the least you could do is measuring your words in front of her. I understand you're disgusted but neither of us is to blame here."

She was right, he thought. He had been a jerk with capital letters. How could he have said something like that in front of his daughter? Stupid, Rick! Stupid!

"You're right. Could you please tell her that I need to see her and apologize?" He asked.

Kate gave him a hard look as she walked towards the door. "I'll go get her."

* * *

><p>Next day, both Castle women and Kate, visited Rick together. - Kate felt so comfortable with them that she knew she was going to miss them terribly when she went back to her apartment - They made a stop at a café to get their deserved shot of caffeine before heading to he hospital.<p>

Rick had talked to Alexis the day before and they were doing almost as good as ever. Kate still could see the tiniest glint of hurt on Alexis' eyes when she was looking at her father, but it continued fading as the morning went on.

They talked and shared some nonsense with one another trying to maintain a light mood. None of them wanted something like the day before happening again.

Martha stood up and put on her coat. "I'm sorry to leave you, darlings, but I have an appointment for lunch today. It's about the acting school. I'll be back the moment I finish there."

"Why, mother? Trying to coax another helpless victim to invest on your business?" Rick joked.

Martha gave him her most innocent look. "Martha Rodgers doesn't coax, dear. She seduces." And she left with one of her dramatic exits.

"Actually, dad, I have to go too. I'm meeting Paige for lunch today. I called her last night and well, she couldn't meet me any other time today. Do you mind? I'll be back in a couple of hours tops." The teen asked pouting a little bit to make her dad let her go.

"Sure, Pumpkin. I won't be going anywhere. Have fun." He said, before kissing her goodbye.

He turned his eyes to Kate, who was sitting on an armchair a little too far from him.

"Well, detective. We're alone and I'm disabled. Doesn't it turn you on knowing you can do whatever you want to me?" He asked moving his eyebrows up and down on a funny and 'seductive' way.

Kate snorted loudly. "Yeah, Castle. You've read my mind. In fact, they leaving, is part of my plan to get my wicked way with you."

"Hmm. If that's true, I like the way you think, Kate." He said, patting the side of his bed. "Why don't you come a little closer? It's not like I can jump on you or anything."

Kate stood up from the armchair and walked towards the bed. She doubted for a millisecond, but then she decided that sitting with him on the bed would be much more comfortable than sitting on that plastic chair beside it.

"Ok, Castle, let's move you a little." She said, putting one hand on his shoulder and the other on his hip to push him a little to his right, so she'd had enough room to sit on the bed with him.

He arched an eyebrow and gave her a surprised look and a delighted smile. Then he narrowed his eyes and spoke again. "So it was true! You wanna do bad things to me!"

"Shut up, Castle. I just don't want to sit on that dumpy chair. My back hurts." She shot back as she moved him.

"Yeah, I've heard you're missing your bed?" He asked tentatively.

Kate met his eyes in surprise.

"Mother told me last night." He smiled at her. "I really appreciate all you're doing for us, Kate. We all do."

"You don't have to thank me, Castle. It's the least I can do. I… They've been… I mean I was… worried too and… Well… It's been kind of a reciprocate thing." She said nervously. Why did she feel so stupid telling him she was worried about him? It was evident.

"Mother also told me that you saw everything. I'm so sorry you had to go through that." He said taking her hand on his. "Are you ok with it? Cause, we can talk if you want to."

She looked at their locked hands and squeezed. "I'm fine. I had a hard time at the moment but now you're ok, so I'm ok too."

"Kate," He bumped her shoulder with his to make her look at him. "It's not that easy and you know it. I only have a vague memory of what happened at Roy's funeral and I already had a nightmare last night. You can't be as fine as you try to make me think you are."

She couldn't believe he was telling her that. "That brain injury must be worse than they think if you're trying to make me talk, Rick. This is not your stile, nor mine."

"I understand it's painful and Mother's been quite specific describing your state after the wreck." He confessed.

"Why can't people mind their own business?" She asked on a low whisper.

He squeezed her hand again. "She's worried about you, Kate. And you know perfectly well Mother couldn't mind her own business even if her life depended on it." He tried to humor her.

"I know she's worried. She's been really nice to me and I appreciate that but I don't think she should have told you about it. You're convalescent. You can't deal with that right now." She looked at him. "You have to get better and get on those feet again and recover your memory as soon as possible."

"My memory. You have to tell me about that, all that I don't remember. It's like traveling back in time without the Delorian, which makes it a lot less fun. Will you help me remember the future?" he asked.

"It's the past, Castle." She laughed.

"Not for me." He said with a grin.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Ok, I'm really disappointed with this chapter. I couldn't make myself think of anything better and it's turned out to be a kind of transition. I want to go deeper but I need to get there. I just hope I can make it better on the next chapter.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the reading and review to tell me if this one sucked or not. I'm open to any suggestions ;)

**Thank you so much for taking you time to read and review!**


	6. Chapter 6 Truth

**A/N: **Hello, dear readers! I hope you're still with me at this point of the story. I know this has taken a turn and I'm still dealing with it. I'm trying to keep on with it as it comes, so I just hope you find it at least interesting enough to keep on reading. Thank you!

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><p><strong>Chapter 6. TRUTH<strong>

Rick had fallen asleep after lunch and Kate had been reading one of the many books they had brought for him that morning. They had been talking until the nurse had entered the room with Castle's 'food' - He wasn't allowed to eat anything too consistent, so he had to put up with chicken soup and pudding -.

A little after 2:00 pm, both Alexis and Martha were back at Castle's hospital room and Kate took the opportunity to leave and meet Lanie for a quick coffee before the ME started her shift.

* * *

><p>They had agreed to meet at a café close to the Morgue so Lanie didn't had to rush when she had to go back to work. Kate sat on a booth, waiting for her friend to show up, with her coffee between her hands, her skin absorbing the warmth from it.<p>

"Hey, girl! Sorry I'm late. You took me by surprise." Said Lanie while she sat on the booth in front of her, her own coffee in hand.

Kate smiled at her friend. "Hey! It's ok. Thanks for coming."

The ME took a sip of her coffee, observed her friend for a while and then asked, "So, how is Writer Boy doing? Javi told me he woke up. Martha called him and Ryan to let them know."

"Yes. Yesterday evening. Did she tell them everything?" Kate asked, not knowing if her friend was aware of what was really going on.

Lanie's brows met in the middle of her forehead. "What do you mean 'everything'?

The detective took a deep breath before talking again. "Well, there are some little details that cloud his miraculous return from the coma." She paused to take another sip of coffee. "He was with Alexis when he woke up and, suddenly he started to freak out thinking something had happened to me. I thought it was because he was going to my rescue when he… Anyway, I got inside to show him I was Ok and then he asked about the shooting. He thought he was there because of it."

Lanie's mouth dropped open. "Don't tell me he-…"

"Amnesia, yes. Ain't it too classic? I mean, come on! Everything was starting to roll between us and suddenly this happens. I'm really, REALLY thankful that he's alive, but this amnesia thing feels like a sick joke." She said on a tired sigh.

"I know. And how much does he remember?" Lanie was curious.

"Just the shot. Me on the ground and that's it. Nothing else from there on." Kate's face went dark.

"Oh. _Nothing_ else. I see." She only said.

"And that's not all. The back injury… He'll need surgery and it'll be a while until he can walk again. He took that one pretty hard. He's trying to put a happy face in front of Alexis but I know him better, he's gonna get frustrated and it's not going to be nice."

Lanie traced the rim of her cup with a finger. "Well, that's a lot to process in just one day. He has the right to be pissed, don't you think? I mean, he doesn't even know what's happened, only what he's been told and, now, all his life has changed and there's nothing he can do about it. Weren't you pissed?" The question left her mouth before she could stop it.

"Like hell." Kate answered truthfully. "I understand that, Lanie. I've been there. That's why I'm worried. Back then, even when I left and pushed him out of my life, I had something to hold on to. My anger didn't let me see it, but I knew there was something making me go on, helping me to cope, in some way, with what was going on in my life. I wasn't ready to accept his words or say them myself, but knowing he felt that… It's been my motor since I came back. Now all that is gone and I can't give him anything close to that."

"Wow, girl. That therapist of yours is worth all of it. I would have never expected you to tell me all this. It's a good change, Kate." Lanie was really thankful to hear Kate talk to her like that. At last, her friend was opening herself to people.

Kate gave her a shy smile. "Yeah, well, don't be so thrilled. He's out of town and I needed to talk to someone." She joked.

"Hey! Not funny. I'm totally serious."

"I know, Lane. I'm glad I can talk to you." A smile grew on both their faces.

Lanie finished her coffee and put the cup aside, centering all her attention on her friend. "So, going back to the serious stuff. What are you exactly scared of?"

Kate was looking through the window, not paying much attention to what she was seeing. " Everything. It scares me that he's still too weak. It scares me that he'll have to go through surgery again in a few weeks to fix that back injury. It scares me that the rehab will be too damn hard. It scares me that he could loose his will power along the way. But, what scares me the most is that there is a possibility that he won't be getting his memory back." Her eyes moved to Lanie's.

"Well, it's not like he's forgotten everything, Kate. He's only lost ten months of his life." For her it didn't seem to be such a big deal.

"You don't understand. He's lost ten months of my life too. I know it sounds ridiculous but a lot has been going on between us in the last few months and now that he doesn't remember… Well, it's like it never happened. It's all gone."

"Ok, wait a minute. What's been going on between you two?" Curiosity was killing her.

Kate rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Things, Lanie. We've been planning things and talking a lot."

"Planning things. Ok. And what have you guys been talking about?" Lanie asked.

"We've been discussing us. Not in a very serious way - Most of the time - A few weeks ago I confessed I heard him say 'I love you'.

* * *

><p><em><strong>6 weeks ago. Precinct.<strong>_

_Kate was cleaning up the murder board and putting all the evidences on the case's box to archive while Castle prepared the last cup of coffee of the day. It was a Friday night and they had managed to close their case before dinner. That was a new record._

_When the detective was putting the last picture into the box, a steamy cup of coffee appeared under her gaze, making her look up at her personal 'waiter'._

"_Thanks, Castle. I needed it." She said with a smile._

_He just nodded and handed her the cup. "Beckett, are you free tonight?"_

"_I'm sorry, what?" That question surprised her so much she almost dropped her precious beverage. _

"_We're having movie night at home. Wanna join us?" he just asked._

_She let out the air she had been holding without even knowing it. "Oh, that! Um, well, I'd love to go see a movie with you guys, but last time we ended up watching Alexis' old talent shows performances and she wasn't very pleased about it…"_

_Castle let out a laugh. "Yeah, that was a fun night. A movie tonight, I promise. Do you need to go home before?"_

"_No. I can go from here, it's ok." She was putting on her coat by then._

_Castle did the same and put a hand on the small of her back to lead her to the elevator. "Great! We have to stop to get some popcorn. And Ice cream. And wine for dinner. And-…" _

_Kate's eye rolled as the elevator's door got shut and they started to make their way down._

* * *

><p><em><strong>That night at Rick's<strong>_

"_Ok, Castle. You were right. 'The Dark Knight' is a wonderful movie." She said getting up from the couch and taking dirty dishes to the counter in the kitchen._

"_I can't believe you hadn't seen it! That has to be a crime or something." He replied putting leftovers in the fridge._

"_Not big deal, dad. Not everyone likes comic based movies." Alexis' came to Kate's rescue._

_He laughed. "That's true. But it turns out I know for sure detective Beckett does like comics."_

"_Shut up, Castle!" Kate shot, throwing him a rolled napkin._

_Alexis laughed at their banter. She hoped they would end up that stupid dance and get together soon. "Ok, kids. I'm going to bed. I'm beat. See you Kate. It's been fun."_

"_Yeah. Good night, sweetie. Sleep tight." Kate said._

_Rick kissed his girl goodnight and hugged her for a while. "Night, Pumpkin. Have sweet dreams."_

_When Alexis was gone they sat on the couch with a glass of wine and talked about nonsense for a while. Then, Rick's face became more serious and he remained quiet for a few minutes. _

"_Hey! What is it?" Kate asked a little concerned._

_He moved his eyes to hers and then talked. "I… It's just that I'm really thankful that you accepted coming over today. It means a lot to me."_

_She smiled. "It's not like it's the first time I come here, Castle. We've had dinner or a movie night before."_

_It started a couple of months ago. They managed to pick a day of the week to spend the evening together. If they were only having dinner they went to her apartment but for movie nights, his was better. It always got too late for her to leave and he had a spare room so it was just convenient._

_Both of them were well aware of how things had changed between them. He was basically the same, nice to her, teasing, always trying to make her laugh, make her feel good and safe. She was the one that had changed. She felt more comfortable around him; physical contact had become more frequent and not as 'unbearable' as before, even though the sexual tension had reached historical levels between them._

_She put a hand on his knee to make him look at her. "I like coming here, Rick. I find your company… hmmm… let's say thrilling and entertaining." She said through a toothy smile._

"_Don't mess up with me, Kate. I'm trying to be serious here." _

"_OK, sorry. But it's the truth."_

_He put his hand over the one she had at his knee. "Good, cause I like having you around as much as possible."_

_She blushed at that. He was so sweet. "Thank you. That's sweet."_

"_I wish I could tell you all the sweet things I want to say." He paused to look at her. "Not the right moment, I know." He added, noticing the twitch on her face._

"_In fact, I've already heard some of them. A long time ago…" She ventured to say, her eyes examining the dark fabric of the couch._

_He let out a little laugh. "I know."_

_Her eyes flew to his face in surprise. "You... know? But… How?"_

"_You're not that difficult to read, Kate. I just assumed you lied to me and Esposito said something one day that made me realize why you did it." He explained._

"_So you're not mad at me? For keeping it from you? For acting like it never happened?" she felt awful._

_He cupped her face with one hand to make her look at him. "You never acted as if it never had happened. Just the opposite, Kate. We wouldn't be here tonight if you have done that. You did what you thought was better and I respect that, but you never ignored it, you kept taking baby steps and look where we are now."_

_She couldn't take her eyes off of his. So blue and soothing she could get lost in them forever. "Thank you." Was all she could say._

* * *

><p>Lanie was amazed Kate had taken such a bold move with Castle. She was proud of her friend. "Amazing, girl. I can't believe you did that. You. Kate Beckett... Wow."<p>

"Yeah… But well, it doesn't matter anymore. It's like it never happened and I-…" She was cut by the sound of her cell phone. It was a text from Alexis. It only said 'S.O.S. come fast.'

Kate got out of the booth the moment she read it, startling Lanie and the people at the tables nearby. She had to leave. Now.

"Kate, what's going on?" Lanie asked, her eyes wide open.

"I have to go. I'll call you. I'm sorry. I'll call you." And Kate left the café running like her life depended on it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Ok, so that's all for now. I need to be honest with you, guys. I have no idea where I'm going with this. I mean, I know what I want to tell, but this keeps growing and twisting and taking paths I wasn't expecting it to take.

Anyway, stories have life of their own and you just have to follow, right? I just hope you guys are still enjoying the ride.

My thanks to everyone who's dropped by to read, review and add this story to favs, alerts and all that. You're all too good. THANK YOU


	7. Chapter 7 Fear

**A/N: **Hey there, everyone! I hope you guys have had or are having a nice weekend. (These time differences are driving me nuts :P). It's been a busy one for me, and although I didn't have much time today, I wanted to update because I couldn't do it yesterday, so here I am. Short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it all the short way :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 7. FEAR<strong>

She was cut by the sound of her cell phone. It was a text from Alexis. It only said 'S.O.S. come fast.'

Kate got out of the booth the moment she read it, startling Lanie and the people at the tables nearby. She had to leave. Now.

"Kate, what's going on?" Lanie asked, her eyes wide open.

"I have to go. I'll call you. I'm sorry. I'll call you." And Kate left the café running like her life depended on it.

* * *

><p>It took her less than fifteen minutes to make it to the Hospital. When she arrived there she found Martha and Alexis outside Rick's room, both looking very worried and tense.<p>

"What happened?" She asked trying to keep calm but failing miserably.

Alexis looked at her through teary eyes, "He had a seizure after you left. It was really bad."

"They're opening to reduce the hematoma in his brain." Martha interrupted. "They have to drain it before it causes any more damage. He was really scared; he asked them to wait until you arrived but they said the sooner the better. Dr Miller said it would take a couple of hours, so we still have a while to wait." She informed, her hands trying to find a place to rest. "We should go inside and take a sit."

So there she was, feeling her cool leaving her body again for the third time that week. She was never like that; she never lost it. She was calm and reflexive when it came to these things, but when it was about him… She just couldn't take it. The same way she knew he couldn't take it when it was about her…

* * *

><p><em><strong>Three weeks ago.<strong>_

_Richard Castle was waiting for his partner at a hospital waiting room. His hands were trembling and he couldn't get rid of the image of Beckett falling down beside him after being hit by a bullet. _

_They had been chasing the bastard for over a week until he had been stupid enough lo leave a print behind. When they arrived at his apartment to put him down, the guy had left running like hell. Espo and Ryan had followed him into a warehouse close to his building and when he and Beckett got there, they already had him at bay, but that didn't prevent him from shooting against them, on a desperate attempt to get away. He hit Beckett twice, one on the chest, which was intercepted by her vest and the other one on her left arm. It was not an important injury, but it was more than a simple scratch, like she had wanted to make him think._

_When she appeared into the waiting room she didn't talk. She just made a sign with her head to make him follow her and they walked out of the hospital to get her car._

_He was the one driving and that made the situation a little awkward. That, and that none of them spoke a single word on their way to Beckett's apartment._

_When they arrived he helped her getting out of the car, she was still a little sore. The vest had stopped the bullet but she fell on a very bad way and all her body hurt. She handed him the keys to her door and let him open it for her. _

_When they got inside she felt the urge to ask what was going on with him. "Hey. You ok? You haven't said a word since the shooting."_

_He winced at that, fighting back the horrible old memories he had been trying to avoid all afternoon. "Yes. I'm just fine. You?" he said, sounding a little too harsh._

"_You sure?" She asked again._

"_Yes. Well, I was worried, you know. It's been… I just need to know you're ok. Are you?" Anger had given way to concern._

"_I'm fine, Castle. This is nothing comp-…" She had to stop her thought. She didn't want to go there. "I'm ok." But she knew her face was telling another story._

_Castle moved forward, his arms open and his eyes soft. He was going to hug her and there was nothing in the world she wanted most, but she stopped him in his tracks before he could get any closer._

"_Why did you do that?" He asked, showing how much she had hurt him right then._

"_I… I'm fine, Castle. You don't have to-…"_

"_For God's shake, Kate, I know I don't have to, but I WANT to. Ok?" He was mad now. "Now tell me, Kate. How many times do we have to go through this? How many times do we need to feel the fear of loosing each other? The regret of not having said what we both know we need to say?" He paused to look at her in the eyes, running his fingers through his hair. He was desperate. "This is becoming sick and I don't know if can do it again because it hurts too much, Kate. It hurts not being allowed to touch you or hold you. It hurts not being allowed to comfort you the way I know you need when you're not ok. It hurts not being allowed to say 'I love you' whenever I feel you need to hear it."_

_The only thing she managed to say was, "You just did."_

"_And yet you don't care because it's out of your schedule." He slapped._

_Now she was hurt. How could he think like that? "This is not about time, Rick. This is about **me** being **ready**. You think I like this? You think I don't suffer through all that too? Cause I do, ok? But I can't commit to something this big without being 100% ready. I don't want to regret it. I don't want to look back and realize this didn't work because of me."_

_His eyes opened a little wider, he was angry and he wanted to let it all out for once and for all. "Have you ever thought about me on your little plan? Because all I hear is 'I need, I have, I can't…' What about **me**, Kate? I've been more than patient here, cause God knows I really want this to happen, but you never ask me what do I think, how do I feel, nothing. It's like this is all about yourself and I'm sorry to disappoint you, dear, but it takes two to tango."_

_So this was it. He thought she was obviating him. Stupid man! "Rick, listen to me. All this is not about me, ok? If I'm scared, if I'm trying to figure myself out before I let anything happen, is because I don't want to hurt **you**." He tried to interrupt her but she put a finger to his lips. "Believe me, I know myself. I know how I work and I know how things have gone before you. I know this is taking too long and that it's frustrating but please, let me do this my way. For both of us. Don't let me ruin it by jumping into it too soon."_

_He whined, "This is killing me, Kate. Waiting's never been my thing."_

_She couldn't fight the laugh that escaped her lips. "Four years, Rick. I think you're doing just fine." She moved her hand to stroke his cheek and jaw. "We'll do this. Together, step by step. I promise we'll get there." And before she could stop herself she was putting a soft kiss on his lips. _

_When she moved apart she got a stunned look form him, his eyebrow arched in question. "Just giving you some motivation." She said with a grin._

"_Like the carrot and the stick?" He leaned in and gave her another quick peck. "Yeah, I think it could work."_

* * *

><p>He had been so right back then. How many times did she need to go through this? She was already sure about what she felt about him, there was not denying that. So what the hell was she waiting for? Well, now, she was waiting for his memory to come back because, now he didn't know she knew how he felt. Now he didn't know they had talked about it and were working on it. He had no idea about anything.<p>

She felt Martha's hand touch hers and she looked up to her. She gave the older woman a sad smile and put her other hand over hers. She didn't know what to tell her, how to comfort her. All this was new to her and, although she was good comforting the unknown families of murdered people, she didn't know what to say to the mother of the man she loved. She couldn't tell her he'd be ok because she had no idea. What was left then?

* * *

><p>The time went by, and two hours and thirteen minutes after she arrived, Dr Miller entered the room to tell them about Castle.<p>

"It's done. It went really well. The hematoma was located and drained perfectly and we think that might help to the recovery of his memory. It's not for sure, but it might help. He's been taken to Recovery and probably will be transferred back to his room by tomorrow morning. He's still sedated but one of you will be able to come in when he wakes up." The doctor said.

"So he's going to be ok?" Alexis asked in a hurry.

"Yes, he's going to be ok. As ok as he was this morning, that is." He answered the girl.

"Thank you Dr Miller." Martha said, shaking his hand before the man walked out of the room.

They agreed to let Alexis get in when Rick woke up. When the girl came out she was feeling much better and sporting a big smile on her face. Her dad was already joking about his new 'haircut' and had told her that he was planning on leave it like that to establish a trend at the precinct when he went back. Good old Rick.

TBC

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Sorry it's so short :( - You would think I'd have more free time on the weekends but, nope… Anyway, I hope you've liked it.

I have a concern, and it's about the entire flashback thing. Is it too messy? Do you guys have any trouble following it? If you do, please let me know so I can do something to fix it, or explain it someway.

Thanks to all of you reading, reviewing and adding this to alerts and favorites. Means the world to me! You're the best! :)


	8. Chapter 8 Flash

**A/N:** Hey there! I'm back, baby :P Sorry for the delay. I've come to terms with my self and I've decided that posting every two days is better for my own good. It gives me more time to think about what I want to do and I don't stress myself (Yeah, I stress myself over this...). Sure you don't care about that but I wanted to share. :)

So, going back to the important things: This chapter is kind of different, or at least I think it is. It's a little more centered on Castle and how he's dealing with all this. Nothing more to say. Just read and enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 8. FLASH<strong>

After the brain surgery, Castle's recovery started to speed up. His internal injuries healed rapidly and soon he was feeling stronger and cheerful. While he waited to be released he started to make acquaintance with his new wheelchair, something he would be using for a long time until he could walk again. He had to be fully recovered before they could submit him to back surgery. He needed all his strength back to start rehab as soon as he could.

Three weeks after the accident he was released to go home and he was plethoric. Martha and Alexis helped him pack all the things he had in there and Kate went to pick them up after sneaking out of the precinct. – She had gone back to work over a week ago – making Espo and Ryan cover for her before Gates.

* * *

><p>Castle's first days at home weren't as wonderful as he thought they would be. His new height made things complicated, since he could not get to most of the things that, weeks before were right within his reach. He needed help for almost everything because he wasn't completely familiarized with his new wheels, and most of his routine activities were difficult to do on them. And showers? Well, those were simply embarrassing.<p>

The other problem was his memory loss. He had redecorated his bedroom five months ago and that meant he couldn't remember where most of his things were. Everything had been moved and rearranged, so it took him several days to be able to find his clothes, toiletries and other stuff, without going crazy.

He was eager to have his back surgery and start rehab as soon and possible, but time went by and his doctors didn't seem to think he was ready for it yet. That was resulting in a very frustrated and grumpy Rick.

To top his misfortune, Kate was starting to be really busy with work, and she couldn't visit everyday as she did at the beginning. She called him at least twice a day and tried to visit as much as she could - the first days she even slept there – but she got involved on a tricky case and time became almost impossible to steal.

Rick was pissed. Time had passed and now everyone seemed to have put up with what had happened. Everyone but him. Esposito and Ryan had visited him a couple of times and they always sent 'get well' wishes and some private jokes with Beckett, but it was not the same. Lanie had been at the hospital several times but he hadn't seen her since he was home, and now Beckett was too busy to come see him. It was like everybody was forgetting about him.

His phone rang startling him a little. "Castle."

"Hey there! How are you doing today?" a female, well known voice asked.

"Hey! I'm… fine, I guess. This is starting to get boring. Alexis doesn't want to race me in the hallway anymore…" he said, sounding really disappointed.

"That's cause you're too slow, Castle! How can she beat you when you're on wheels?" she mocked him.

"Hey! This is trickier than it seems. Had I known this, I would have been working out for a while." He joked.

She didn't seem to find that funny and her voice came out serious. "Had we known this, I would have never let it happen, Castle."

He let out a sigh before he talked again. "I know, Kate. I just need to laugh at it or I'll go nuts." He heard her sigh too and then asked, "Are you coming by today?"

"Oh, yeah, that's why I was calling. FBI's taken up the case but they need our full collaboration. Gates put me in charge of our people, so I have to be here to coordinate everything with the feds." She said sounding a little pissed.

His face fell and his voice was sharp when he spoke. "So, you're not coming."

"I'm sorry Castle. I wish I could, but things are going crazy here. The FBI has turned this place upside down. I don't even have a desk anymore! The boys and I are sharing the meeting room's table with 6 more people." She really was annoyed.

"I see. Well, it's ok. See you when you guys get the psycho. Or maybe not, because there will be another one after him and then, another one… You will all go on doing your job and no one will ever remember that noisy, crippled writer again." He shot.

It took her a little while to talk after that. "Oh gosh, Castle! Can you be a little more melodramatic? It's not like I don't want to go to see you. I have to work!"

He grimaced at that. "Sure, Ok. You know what? I have to go. Talk to you later." But he didn't hung up.

"Castle? C'mon! Don't get mad at me, this is not my fault. You want to blame someone? Blame the guy who's been braking and entering into old lady's homes and killing them on their sleep."

"Ok, Beckett. You should go back to do your job."

"Rick, please -…" She heard the line cut and then, the insulting beeps telling her he had hung up.

* * *

><p>At six in the morning, the next day, the doorbell rang. A very sleepy Alexis opened the door to find a very angry Kate Beckett.<p>

"Kate? Isn't it a little too early?" Asked the girl.

The detective nodded and walked inside the loft. "I'm sorry I woke you, Lex. I need to talk to your dad."

Alexis yawned loudly and nodded. "Okay. I'm going back to bed. Nice to see you, by the way." She said, kissing Kate on the cheek and turning back to the stairs.

Kate walked towards Castle's study and then into his bedroom, turning the lights on as she entered the room.

"Hey!" She shouted. "Wake up!"

He jumped in bed startled, his heart rate hitting the roof. "What the hell?" He cleared his eyes with the back of his hands. "Kate? What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? How dare you?" She paused to take some air. "How did you dare to make me feel guilty for doing my job?"

He only could look at her deadpanned. She was mad at him and he knew he deserved it.

"I've been there for you all the time, Rick. I even slept here the first two weeks to make sure you were following your doctor's instructions. I've been sneaking out from the precinct to take you to the hospital to your checkups and just because I'm caught up on work, just because I haven't been able to come by for THREE days you think you can talk to me like that and then hung up on me?" She stopped to look at him in the eyes, all her anger spilling out of those green orbs.

"Say something, damn it!" She barked.

He blinked and looked down to his blankets. "I'm sorry?"

"Oh, you're sorry. Well, that makes it all ok." She said with a nervous laugh. "You were terribly unfair last night."

"I know. I know I shouldn't have said what I said, Kate. I wish I could take it all back. It's just… I hate being secluded in this loft all day. I don't feel strong enough to go out with the chair yet. My memory is not coming back and I don't remember what did I do with some of my things before the redecoration and I'm going crazy. Alexis is at school, mother is busy with her classes and you're working all the time. There's not much to do here and I don't feel like writing." He looked back at her; her stare had softened a notch. "I'm just frustrated and I paid it with you. I'm really sorry."

She walked closer to him and sat on the side of the bed. "I know this is hard, Castle. But you know I'm here for whatever you need. I'll be busy and maybe I won't be able to come by all the time but that doesn't mean I don't care anymore. You're my partner, ok? We're together on this." She took his hand on hers and squeezed a little.

He returned the squeeze and moved her hand up, to kiss the back of it. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

* * *

><p>Time kept passing by and Castle's skills with his new wheels had improved considerably. They had rearranged some furniture and stuff that made things a little difficult for him, and now, the lowest floor of the loft was conquered territory. He had his bathroom adapted – which made shower-time far less embarrassing - and saved a low cabinet in the kitchen to keep some stuff he used regularly. It still was almost impossible to cook or turn on the coffee maker because the counters were too high, but at least he could make himself a sandwich without calling anyone.<p>

The memory part was another thing. He still couldn't remember anything from the 10 months before the crash. Sometimes he dreamt about things that seemed familiar, but he didn't know if they were real or just his subconscious' inventions.

He had improved too on his frame of mind. Alexis was spending more time home, since she was only taking one class on the new semester, Martha was imparting some of her classes at the loft, which gave Rick something to entertain himself with, and Kate visited anytime she could, talked to him about the new cases and had even managed to save one night a week so, the boys, Lanie and her could have dinner with him and his family at his home. Poker night was back.

* * *

><p>Rick was in his study, surfing the web, trying to find something to distract himself from the boredom of the day, when something happened. His vision went black, his head was spinning and he started hearing voices and people screaming. After a moment he realized he was remembering something…<p>

xxxxxxxxx

_Kate Beckett is lying on the floor, blood leaving her body through his fingers, her eyes are looking at his without even blinking, trying to tell him something he can't decipher. The only thing he can do is telling her how he feels. Letting her know he loves her more than anything. Her lips draw something close to a smile and then, her eyes shut and she is gone. _

_There's a flash of bright light and then he's entering a room. She's there, on the bed, Dr. Motorcycle Boy is with her. She smiles, she's happy to see him and he feels shy all of a sudden. Her boyfriend leaves and they're alone at last. They talk and she doesn't remember. She doesn't know he loves her and he feels terrible. Then she says she needs time. It breaks his heart, but he knows he has to let her do it her way and he leaves._

_Another flash of bright light and he's at his study, a glass of scotch in one hand and her picture in the other. He's crying. She's been gone for too long and he misses her so much… She's not coming back. That's what he's repeating over and over again like a deadly mantra._

_Another flash and they're sitting on swings. She tells him she needs to catch her mother's killer to have the chance to be happy and he makes the promise, to her and to himself, that he will make that happen, even if it takes his whole life._

_Yet another flash and they're fighting. She's telling him she's not ready, she needs more time. He thinks they're never going to get there but somehow, she gives him hope again, and he agrees to keep on waiting for the impossible to happen._

xxxxxxxxxx

Castle rubbed his temples and closed his eyes hard, trying to fight the pain that was growing on his head, slowly but surely.

The memories were hitting him hard and he didn't know how to take them. He knew they were spare parts of a whole but still they made some sense. It had made him realize something that he needed to think about.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So, what do you think? Still a lot to go yet. I just hope you're having fun reading this and please, be super nice and leave a tiny little review for me to read and feel so happy because you did it, yes?

Thanks again and again and all the times in the world, to all of you reading, reviewing and adding this to alerts and favs. I don't know what to say, just that you're AWESOME!


	9. Chapter 9 Talk

**A/N:** Hey everyone! I hope you're all doing great. I've been busy as hell these days and stressed and going crazy all at the same time…

I've written this chapter 3 times, all different points of view, all different angles and story turns. This is the only one that I think matched with the rest of the story. I just hope you think the same. (I've deleted the other 2, so, please?). FLUFF ALERT (Sorry, angst-ers, I couldn't help myself).

Be nice and let me know what you guys think. When you're done reading, that is. Thanks and Enjoy! :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 9. TALK<strong>

A very confused Rick Castle was lying on the couch trying to put the mother of all headaches to rest. The memory-turmoil of before that afternoon had left him exhausted and with a feeling of nausea. He had remembered some interesting things; things about him and Beckett that had given him some hope. He needed to talk to her soon.

He picked up his phone and pressed her speed dial button; a few seconds later her voice was sounding on his ear. "Beckett" She answered.

"Hey, detective! How's the day going?" He asked trying to sound relaxed and headache free.

He could hear how she put an M&M on her mouth before she spoke again. "Hi, Castle. The day's… well, boring as hell. No case, just paperwork. Oh, the boys say hello."

"Hello to them too." He said with a smile. He really missed those guys. "So, will you be done with that horrible paperwork soon? Maybe we could have dinner together. Mother and Alexis are going out today." He asked, trying not to sound very wishful.

Kate smiled. She had been thinking about passing by the loft after work. "Uhm… Yeah, I think I'll be done in a couple of hours. Do you want me to bring anything?" She asked.

"Just your charming presence will be more than enough, detective. Thank you." He retorted with his habitual wittiness.

"Ok. See you in a while then. Bye." She hung up before he could say anything back. She knew if she let him keep talking she wouldn't be getting any work done, and she wanted to be there with him as soon as possible.

When had she become such a Castle addict? It amazed her how much she missed him when she spend more than a day away from him.

* * *

><p>Castle was rolling his way to the kitchen when Alexis came down the stairs carrying a backpack; she was sleeping at a friend's that night.<p>

"Hey dad!" The teen greeted him.

"Hey Pumpkin! Excited about tonight? It's the first night you spend out in a while." His daughter had been really worried about him and she had refused to leave the loft unless it was strictly necessary. It took him almost and hour to convince her to go to her friend's sleepover.

Alexis gave him an accusing glare. "Yeah, I guess so. I can stay if you want, you know. I don't want you to be alone."

Castle held the girl's hand and made her move closer to him. "I won't be alone, honey, Kate's coming tonight. We're having dinner and probably will watch a movie. See? I'll have my own slumber party." He joked.

The girl laughed at her father's humor. "Yeah, ok. I'm glad she's coming. I didn't like the idea of leaving you alone."

"Well, you don't have to worry anymore, sweetie. I'll be just fine." He made her lean down so he could put a kiss on her cheek. "Have fun, kiddo. See you tomorrow."

She hugged him tight and kissed him back. "I will, dad. Have fun too. Tell Kate I said hi. Bye!" and she left.

Rick was left there, thinking about what he needed to tell Kate. He had remembered things and he needed to know what they meant, if they did mean anything. He had been trying to put all the tiny pieces together, and what he had built with them, had both scared him and given him hope.

* * *

><p>The sound of the doorbell informed him that it was time for dinner. He hadn't had much of an appetite lately and most times people had to remind him he had to eat.<p>

He removed the break on his wheelchair and moved it to the living room, where he knew Kate would be waiting for him by then. She rang to let him know she was there, but she had a key he had given her when she was staying there after he was released from the hospital, and he had refused to take it back after she left.

"Good evening, detective. Nice to see you." He greeted her. By then, she was getting rid of her heals and putting away her coat in the closet.

"Hi Castle." She said with a wide smile. She looked relaxed lately. She didn't seem to need to control her gestures anymore. She didn't have the urge to hide her smiles, or the bursts of laugh he tore out from her sometimes. "How was your day? Could you write anything today?"

He was dreading that question. Two months had passed since the crash and he hadn't been able to write a single word. "The day was fine but no, I didn't write anything. Can someone loose their inspiration on a car crash?" He asked with a wistful smile. "I think mine was not wearing the seatbelt and died in it…" he tried to joke.

"Don't say that, Rick! It will be back. Just give it time." She rushed to reassure him. She knew it was being very hard for him not being able to write. She knew how hard it had been for her not being able to put her hands on Montgomery's case, just because she had been shot.

After a few awkward moments of silence she asked what did he want to eat. They agreed on getting Thai – she didn't like it much but he loved it - and she called to his favorite place to place the order.

Rick wanted to watch a movie, so she let him choose one, while she prepared the coffee table to have dinner in front of the TV.

Thirty minutes later their food had arrived and they were watching 'Zombieland'.

"Jeez, Castle. Nice thing to watch while we're eating…" She said when the movie started.

He chuckled. "It's not that bad! And the movie is great. You're going to laugh. I'm sure you'll like it."

She was not really into zombie movies but she could make an effort. "Ok. I just hope I can keep my food in my stomach."

"You will, don't worry." He could see her smile, so he was not worried that she would hate the movie.

* * *

><p>He had moved himself into the couch to be more comfortable, and by the end of the movie, Kate was lying with her head on his lap, one of her hands massaging his knee. Rick couldn't take his eyes from that hand, wishing he could actually feel what she was doing.<p>

The credits started and Kate left his lap to pick up the empty cartons and dirty plates and take them to the kitchen. When she was back he knew he couldn't postpone what he had to tell her anymore.

"Kate, I need to tell you something." He urged her to sit down beside him and took her hand on his. "I think I've remembered something today. It was weird and all mixed up but I think they were actual memories." He said still a little confused.

Kate's face beamed. "Oh, Rick, that fabulous! What did you remember?" she asked, so eager to know.

"It was a mix of different moments. All related to you, I have to say." He confessed with a shy smile.

Castle's shy about this? No way! She thought. "Well, we spend a lot of time together…" she said trying not to make a big deal of it.

He knew better. He knew it was a big deal and he wanted to hear it from her. "I need to ask you something." He made her move a little so that they were one in front of the other. He needed to see her face. "Before the crash, had anything happened between us? Because I have the feeling that something's changed. You're different." His eyes were locked with hers; trying to read anything she was not willing to share.

So he had noticed a change in her. That was good, right? She wanted to change, after all. "Different? What do you mean?" She asked back, obviating his first question.

"I mean that. Different. And you haven't answer my question, detective." He shot back with a wicked smile.

She couldn't fight the blush. How could she explain this to him? "If you're asking if we're together… no, we are not. But we're… getting there… I guess. Slowly. Very slowly." She had to be honest with him. No point in making him believe things that weren't. She was getting kind of tired of waiting, though.

His eyebrow made a crazy arch. "So, we're kind of a pseudo-couple now?" he asked sounding really amused.

Kate didn't find it as funny as he did. She covered her face with her hands and ran them through her hair. "A what? No! We're… I don't know what we are, Castle. Do we really need to put this a name?"

He wanted to make this easy; he didn't want her to feel bad about it. "Is Winston ok with you? Oh, we could try Alfred!" he joked.

That made her laugh a little but her face fell in a second. "What do you really want to know, Rick?" she asked.

He became serious again. It was time to show his cards. "I want to know where were we before the accident. I want to know why now I can touch you without fearing for my life." He said looking at their clasped hands. "I want to know how is it that you ended up watching the movie lying on my lap." He saw her smile at that. "I just want to know if there is something you're not telling me." He made a pause to look at her. She was nervous, he could tell. "All I remember is you telling me you were not ready, but now…" He didn't know how to go on. He didn't know if she was ready or if she just needed the contact to reassure herself after the accident.

"To be honest, I don't know what to tell you, Rick. I can't tell you that I'm ready, cause I'm not, but I'm getting tired of waiting. When this happened – she pointed the wheelchair with her free hand - I thought it was over. I thought we had been waiting all that time for nothing, and somehow, I decided not to restrain myself anymore. If I feel the need to hold your hand, I want to be able to do it without feeling it's inappropriate or weird. I just want to make things natural, spontaneous. Just how they should be, right?" She sounded more sure than she looked. Her eyes were searching for his approval.

He used his free hand to put a rebel lock of hair behind her ear and smiled. "Yes. That's how it should be."

They fell into a comfortable silence, hand in hand, facing each other, eyes still locked, as if their conversation was still going, but instead of words, they were using glances.

Rick was really surprised with this 'new' Kate. The fact that she was able to talk about this was already a huge advance but, having her there, holding his hand and telling him they were going to happen, that was a dream.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay, fluff to no end, I know! Anyway, as a sucker for happy endings as I am there's still some battle for this two… I need to shake their world a little bit yet :P

Thanks raised to infinity to all of those wonderful people reading, reviewing and adding this story to favs and alerts. You have me hooked to this!

Just as a favor, and if you like fluff (which I know you do), take the time to check my previous story 'Of Christmas Carnivals and other things.' It's not excessively Christmassy, so you can read it anytime :P Sorry if this is too much to ask from you.


	10. Chapter 10 Revealed

**A/N: **Hello people! Not much to say today, just that I couldn't post on Thursday as I had planned and did it on Friday, so I decided to give you a reward for being so great and understanding :) BIG SURPRISE AT THE END. **READ**! I hope you like it! Enjoy.

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><p><strong>Chapter 10. REVEALED<strong>

It had been ten days since Castle's first storm of memories and, to his disappointment, he hadn't experienced more episodes of clarity. The only good news relating his health was that he would have his back surgery in two weeks.

On the other hand, things with Kate were going just perfect. Since the day they had talked, the detective was even more relaxed around him. Rick was allowed to make jokes and talk openly about _them_, when they were alone, of course, though none of their friends and family had missed that they were acting different around each other. Kate was more confident about 'touching'. It was not that she couldn't keep her hands to herself; she just stayed closer to him when they talked, held his hand or brushed her fingers through his hair when it was tousled. Little things that meant a lot to both of them.

On the last week Kate had stayed for dinner every single night, and the weekend became an extended sleep over when both, Friday and Saturday nights, had caught her asleep on Rick's shoulder after takeout and a couple of movies.

* * *

><p>On Sunday morning Kate was awakened by a violent shake of her pillow. Not only did it move her, making her head bounce on it; it sneezed too. She raised her head from it and looked up, where she found a pair of blue, apologetic eyes looking at her.<p>

"Hey! Sorry about that, your hair was tickling my nose." Castle said, smiling at her sleepy face.

It took a while to her still dozed brain to realize where she was, and whose arms had she spent the night in. "Castle, can you explain what the heck am I doing here?" Kate asked, her trademark glare piercing his skin.

"Whoa, don't give me that look! This is all your doing, detective." He defended himself. "There's no way I can carry you and put you in my bed on my own."

Kate looked at him in disbelieve, but he really had a point. "I only remember falling asleep on the couch during the last movie." She tried to sit on the bed but her head started pounding hard. "We had a little too much wine last night, didn't we?"

He laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I guess we did." He sat in bed himself and tried to explain why she was there. "When the movie was over I woke you up. I didn't trust my arms to move myself from the chair to the mattress, so you came with me to help, and when I was in bed you lied down here with me for a while. We talked a little until you fell asleep. I didn't want to wake you up so... – he shrugged - When I woke up this morning you had gotten rid of your clothes and you were wearing one of my shirts and using me as a pillow." He finished with a satisfied smile.

Her face shrank in thought and suddenly her eyes showed she remembered. "Oh, yeah. You're right." She was a little ashamed. " I guess I was too tired to go all the way upstairs to the guest room. And…" She paused to think if she should say such a thing to him. "I have to say that… you are… a very comfy pillow."

He flashed her with a shiny, toothy smile. "Yeah, I've been told so."

Her eyes narrowed at that. "By Alexis!" He rushed to say. "She always falls asleep on me."

She laughed at his concern. "Relax, Castle." Her head had stopped bugging her, so she got up and walked to the bathroom's door. " But just for that, I'll shower first." She said playfully, locking the door behind her.

* * *

><p>After walking out of the shower and having changed into yoga pants and an old t-shirt – she had some clothes there - Kate busied herself making breakfast for everyone. Martha and Alexis were still in bed, but by the hour it was, she could tell they'd be getting up soon.<p>

Pancakes were almost ready when Rick came out of his room; all freshen up and dressed for the day. "Something smells good!" He said, rolling his way to the kitchen.

She smiled at him at the same time she turned a pancake. "Hungry?"

He nodded, turning his face to look at the staircase when he caught a glimpse of red hair with the corner of his eye. "Morning, sweetie! Kate's made breakfast." He greeted his still drowsy daughter.

"Morning." Alexis said with a lazy smile. "Pancakes! Oh, Kate, they're my favorite! Thank you."

Kate put the last one on the dish, avoiding it to fall off when the girl hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"Okay! They're done. Castle, you can take the coffee to the table on that tray. Alexis and I will take the food." Kate ordered, handing Rick the tray.

* * *

><p>When they had placed everything on the table, Martha joined them, and the four of them ate, talked and laughed, enjoying the time together. When they were done Alexis helped Kate clearing the table and putting the dishes away and Rick did all he could cleaning up the table.<p>

Martha left right after breakfast and Alexis went up to her room to finish the homework she had for the weekend, leaving them alone on the couch, trying to find out some new plots for Castle's next novel.

"You should put them on a cruise and let them rest. After all they've been through, those two deserve a break." Kate said, talking about Nikki and Rook. "I guess you don't remember how your last book ended, do you?" She asked.

Rick looked at her in surprise. "Actually, I have no idea!" He said. "I guess for the first time in my life, I'll have to read my own book to know how it ends." He joked.

"Ironic, huh?" she joked back.

His face lit up suddenly and he pulled her hand to make her get up from the couch. "Come. You have to help me find it." He said, moving himself to his study.

Kate followed him a little intrigued. "Find what?" She asked.

"My notepad." He said looking through the shelves and cabinets. "I write down all my ideas on it. Things I find interesting, quotes I think I could use, inspiration hits I need to write down before they vanish… Stuff like that." He explained to her. "Could you check my desk, please?"

She realized she had been standing in the middle of the room, just listening to him and watching how he roamed the around searching for his notepad. "Oh, yeah. Sure."

Kate looked on the desk, she moved his folders and papers with drafts and notes, his family pictures – even one of them together she didn't know existed – a deck of cards, candy and bubble gum packets, pens, a couple of comic figures… No notepad there. She moved to search the drawers.

Rick was now inspecting the low shelves behind his desk. It was kind of tricky cause he couldn't crouch to take a better look. He decided to ask Kate to look down there and turned around. He wasn't looking when he tacked, and was surprised as hell when he bumped into Kate's calves making her fall over him.

When she realized what was going on she found herself sitting on Rick's lap with her heart going crazy in her chest. "You don't know what to do to make me fall, do you?" She joked, arching an eyebrow and putting on her most teasing face.

Rick smiled, but his expression was serious. Their eyes met, locking instantly and letting show everything their mouths weren't allowed to say yet. She bit her bottom lip and then licked it nervously, knowing what was about to happen. Rick leaned closer, his eyes not leaving hers, moving down inch by inch.

Their lips touched at last. He just brushed his lips over hers, moving softly, licking her lower lip right where she had bitten it a moment ago. Her hands moved to cup his head making him move closer to her. She deepened the kiss, taking his lower lip between her teeth, biting slightly and then, soothing it with her tongue, just the way she had done with her own a minute before. His hands hadn't move from her waist, scared she would find it too much, having both his lips and his hands exploring her. Her tongue became more insistent and he allowed her in, letting out a groan when he felt her inside.

When they broke apart, seeking air, none of them spoke; they just looked into each other's eyes until Rick engulfed her into a bear hug. He started placing soft kisses on her neck, right below her ear and she moved her head granting him a better access. She opened her eyes after a little while and something caught her attention, something that was lying on the lower drawer of his desk. The one she had opened right before he bumped into her, making all this amazing kissing happen.

She made her eyes focus on what was written on it, and when she finally could read it, she pushed him off from her neck. "Castle, what's that?" she asked, feeling panic growing inside her belly.

"What's what?" He asked trying to go back to kissing her neck.

She moved and stood up in front of him with her hands on her hips, giving him an annoyed look. Then she crouched and picked up a yellow folder from the drawer. "This folder with my mother's name on it. What is this?" She asked again getting more and more impatient by the second.

He looked at it like it was a rock form Mars. "I have no idea. Probably been there for a while, I haven't sat on my desk since the accident." He answered trying to be precise and reassuring.

She opened the folder and found the smart-screen's remote inside. She took it and turned the screen on. Her mother's murder board appeared before her eyes. Everything she had been working on, her notes, pictures were now supplemented with new information. Things she had no idea about. "What the hell is this, Rick?" she asked, hurt in her voice.

His mouth was open and his eyes were about to fall out of their orbs. He had no idea what he was looking at. "I… I don't know, Kate. This must have happened after the shooting. I don't remember any of it." He said.

"You've been working on it. You've been digging on my mother's case, even after telling me not to do it. How could you hide this from me?" She asked, stretching her arm to caress her mother face on the screen.

He was terrified now. What the hell was he supposed to say? He had no idea of what had been going on after the shooting and he had no idea of why in the world had he been hiding all his findings from her. "Kate, listen to me, I don't know. I can't imagine a reason to hide this form you. I don't know why I did it but I'm sure it was something I had to do. I wouldn't hide this from you if it wasn't for a good reason."

"How do I know that? This is not the first time to do this, Rick." She said, still not taking her eyes from the screen.

His heart ached at that. She was running again, hiding and shutting him out. Scared. He was scared too. "You'll have to trust me. At least until I get my memory back and I can explain this to you. I don't know what to tell you now, Kate. It's not like I don't want to tell you about it. It's that I don't know why I hid that from you."

She looked back at him. A single tear was running down her left cheek and her hands were trembling. "I can't… I need to go."

"What? No! Kate, please. We need to talk about this." He begged her.

"There's nothing you can tell me, Rick and, to be honest, I can't even look at you right now." She said, taking the yellow folder with her and walking out the study.

He rolled his chair into the living room, still trying to convince her to stay. "Please, don't! Don't do this now, Kate. You said you wanted to leave it behind, start again."

She was picking up her purse and turned to face him. "I did, yes. But it seems I'm not the only one who needs to find something else to do with her life. THIS – she showed him the folder – is my life, Castle. MINE! You had no right to hide anything of it from me." And with that, she opened the door and walked out his loft and his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Sorry about that… I needed to do it for the story's shake. I know you'll understand. It was getting a little cheesy and it needed some action, don't you think? :P

I hope you're still enjoying this and keep reading, reviewing and adding it to alerts and favorites. You guys are the best, thank you so much! :)


	11. Chapter 11 Apart

**A/N:** Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed tonight's episode. I did! It's been SO fun!

Here's the next chapter to this story. The title kind of sucks but I couldn't think of anything better. I accept suggestions ;-) I hope you guys like it anyway. Please, let me know what you think about it! Enjoy :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 11. APART<strong>

Castle was left in the middle of his leaving room, sitting on his wheelchair, his brain making somersaults trying to remember why did he have that folder.

Kate was gone. She hated him. How could things have changed so much in a minute lapse? They were sharing the most wonderful and hot kiss ever and then, the second later, they were taking their eyes off. Well,_ she_ was taking _his _eyes off, to be more precise.

A moment after Kate left, Alexis appeared at the top of the staircase a questioning look on her face. "Where's Kate?"

It took Rick half a minute to realize his daughter was talking to him. "Uhm… Kate? She… she left." He said, trying to hide his perplexed expression.

"I heard you two arguing. Is everything ok?" The girl asked, starting to feel a little uneasy.

Castle couldn't lie to her. He knew there was no way he would be able to hide this from his family. "No. Actually, I think everything's the opposite from ok."

Alexis' face fell. "Dad. – She moved towards him, trying to reassure him - What happened?"

"The truth is that I have no idea - He slammed the armrests of his chair with his hands - I need my stupid memory back!" He said turning the chair around and moving to his study.

"Dad!" Alexis said, but he never turned around, slamming the door shut.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes had passed since she had stormed out of Castle's loft, and Kate Beckett was still sitting in her car, parked in front of his building, trying to put herself together.<p>

She couldn't believe how things had turned out that morning. They were doing just fine, wonderful in fact – that kiss had been amazing – but she had to find that damned folder and ruin everything with her stupid need to know. She was so tired of it…

Still she couldn't believe he had been hiding something like that. He knew how important that case was for her, how much she needed the closure, and yet he had kept it all a secret. From her. Why?

She knew he couldn't tell her. She knew she had been extremely unfair leaving like that, when he couldn't explain himself, but she couldn't stay either. It hurt too much, knowing he had been lying to her for so long.

After another ten long minutes, she started the car and joined the traffic heading to her apartment. She needed to disconnect, get her mind out of him, the kiss, the folder and anything related to that weekend.

* * *

><p>Over a week after the big fight, Castle was still mopping around, feeling more miserable as time went by. He couldn't remember a single thing about that folder. He had spent the last ten days locked in his study rereading the crime-board over and over again, trying to understand what had made him keep all that information from the only person he could be investigating it for, but nothing came to him. Nothing.<p>

Martha appeared in the leaving room just at the same time he was leaving his confinement in his office. "Darling! It's good to see you're still alive." She said to her son. "Alexis told me you had a fight with Beckett last week… She's still mad at you?"

Rick's eyes closed in pain at her name. "I haven't heard from her in ten days so, I guess she is. Yes." Sarcasm seemed easier than a regular answer.

"Oh, dear. I'm so sorry. What could you possibly do to piss her off like that?" The woman asked really intrigued. "She's been so devoted to you the last few months that I thought you two were finally… Well, you know..."

Castle made a grimace and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "Actually, we were getting there, until that stupid folder appeared." He said on a hiss.

Martha's face went serious. "What folder?" she asked.

"The one I kept on my desk. Stuff about her mother's case. New leads and information; I couldn't even look at it. She took it with her when she left." He told his mother.

"Oh, no, Richard! You shouldn't have let her take it! It's too dangerous." The woman was worried and she had to sit on the couch.

Rick got closer to her and reached for her hand. "Mother, you know something about that folder?" He asked feeling excitement take over his body.

Martha nodded while giving him a concerned look. "Yes. You told me about it. Someone sent it to you short after Beckett came back from her recovery. Montgomery had sent it to him before he was killed. You were supposed to keep it a secret; hide it from her to protect her. If she starts digging into it again, they are going to kill her, Rick. You _need _to stop her before she ends up with another bullet in her heart."

That made him squirm in his chair. He couldn't let that happen. "Do I know who sent it to me?" he asked, fearing the answer.

"No, darling. You met him twice, weeks before your accident, but you didn't know who he was." She told him, knowing it would disappoint him deeply.

Rick sighed and combed his still too short hair with his fingers. "I need to tell her about this. I need to talk to her before she does something stupid." He said, turning his chair around towards his study, where his phone was lying on his desk.

* * *

><p>Kate was looking at her phone as it rang. She didn't want to talk to him, not yet. She needed to put things on their place; she needed to not be mad at him. A fight wasn't going to solve it, if anything, it'd just make everything worse, and she knew she wasn't going to be able to control herself. She was going to snap at him, yell at him, and she didn't want that. So she didn't pick up and waited until the tone died for the fifty-seventh time that day.<p>

He had been calling all week, and she knew damn well that, if the circumstances where different, he would have been knocking on her door or hounding her at the precinct by the fifth unanswered phone call - Somehow she was glad he couldn't do that, which made her feel even guiltier.

She was home by then, sitting in her dinning table with the infamous folder looking at her from the plain surface. She hadn't open it yet, scared of what she may find.

After staring at it for a little longer she took her phone and dialed a well-known number.

"Dr Burke's office, how can I help you?" A voice greeted her.

"Hi. I wanted to make an appointment with Dr Burke." She said.

The voice took her time to answer back. "Sure. Could you give me your name, please?"

"Beckett, Kate Beckett." Her voice was a little shaky. "Could it be for tomorrow, first thing in the morning?"

"Let me check, detective Beckett." The receptionist told her, letting her know she knew who she was. "Yes, he'll be able to see you by 7:30. Is that ok?"

Kate felt a wave of relief wash over her. "Yes. Thank you. I'll be there."

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow, detective." The woman said, before hanging up the phone.

She had been trying to walk the line on her own with this, but she couldn't, and for the first time in her life, she wasn't ashamed of asking for help.

* * *

><p>Kate was sitting at the waiting room after another uneasy and sleepless night. She had been thinking about Castle. How hard this surely was being for him, and she couldn't help but feeling responsible for everything that was causing him pain. Everything he had been forced to face just because he was with her. As a partner, as a friend, as whatever they were now.<p>

She needed to clear her mind, and she needed to make it soon.

"Doctor Burke will see you now, detective Beckett." The receptionist announced her.

Kate stood up and walked towards the office where she had opened her heart so many times. "Thank you." She said with a forced smile, as she went through the door.

Dr Burke was sitting on his armchair, looking at her with kind but still unreadable eyes. "Good Morning, Kate." He greeted her.

"Good morning." She responded, sitting on the couch in front of him.

"You already had an appointment for Friday, is everything ok?" Despite his question, he didn't sound surprised or concerned, just a little curious.

Kate played with her fingers nervously. "No. Nothing's ok."

"What happened?" The therapist asked, his pen ready to start writing on his ever-present pad.

The detective took a deep breath and let it out very slowly, trying to relax a little bit before she spoke. "So much. I don't even know where to start…" She sighed. "First of all, Castle kissed me. Well, I kissed him. Ok, I don't know who kissed whom, but we did it." She felt her cheeks getting warm.

"So you kissed. How did that make you feel?" He asked with the same unreadable expression on his face.

"Wonderful." She let out on a breath, blushing even deeper. "I thought it would scare me to death but it didn't. It felt so… natural, so good."

"Then I guess that's not what went wrong. Tell me what happened." The doctor inquired.

Kate stood up again and started pacing the floor, like she always did when she got to the painful part. "I found something in his desk. A folder with my mother's name on it." She stopped to look out the window, trying to collect her thoughts. "There was new stuff on it. New leads I didn't know about. Things I had never seen. He's been hiding it from me, and he can't tell me why because of that freaking amnesia." This was getting her a little too emotional. The knot in her throat was moving down to her stomach making her feel a little sick. "I left. Just like that. I can't see him or talk to him because I know I'm gonna make things worse. I know I won't be able to control myself and I'm going to be cruel and unkind, and he can't defend himself, because he doesn't have the tools to do it." She moved from the window and sat on the couch again, taking her shoes off and putting her legs under herself. "I'm tired of hurting him. I can't do it anymore. But the thing is that, by not talking to him, I'm hurting him the same."

"Why do you think you feel so bad about him keeping his investigation from you?" Dr Burke asked.

She thought about it for a minute. "At first it was the lie. I couldn't believe he had kept something like that from me for such a long time. But now… Now it's the fact that I'm faced with it again and I don't want to. I want to know the truth, but at the same time I don't want to walk that path again."

The man in front of her stopped writing on his notepad for a second. "So, what disturbed you the most was that, finding that folder made you face your demons again." He asked.

Kate's eyebrows furrowed. That made sense. "I guess so." She stopped, pondering her next words. "I haven't opened it yet. The folder. I can't."

The doctor's eyes moved to her bent figure again. "Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't think I'm ready."

* * *

><p>Martha was playing with the phone in her hands, making it spin between her fingers. She knew she shouldn't get in the middle of this, but her heart was asking her to do exactly what her head was telling her not to. A mother knew better.<p>

She dialed the number and waited until a voice sounded on the other end of the line. "Beckett."

Martha swallowed before she spoke. "Hello, Kate. This is Martha."

The detective went mute for a moment and then, the older woman heard her lick her lips. "Martha. Hi. Is everything ok?" she asked.

"Yes, dear. Everything's fine. You haven't been around lately and I wanted to let you know Richard's having his back surgery tomorrow morning." She told her nonchalantly.

Kate let out a sight. "I'm sure you know things aren't really well between us right now, Martha."

"I do. He's told me about it. You should see him, Kate. He's been like a ghost since then." She tried to appeal to her sensitivity.

"Well, there's nothing I can do about it right now." Kate said, trying not to sound too harsh.

Martha let out a breath. "Look, darling. I know you're mad at him for what he did, but really, you can't blame his intentions. He's only been trying to protect you, Kate. God knows he'd do anything to keep you from any harm."

"I know that, Martha. But he shouldn't have lied to me." The detective told her a little hurt.

"Look, I'm not the one you should talk about this about. I just wanted to let you know Richard will be going through surgery tomorrow. He needs you there. Now you do whatever you think you have to do about it." The older woman said, trying to make things clear and somehow easier for the detective.

"Ok. Thanks for calling." Kate said, before hanging up.

That had been harsh, Martha thought. That young woman was more stubborn than she thought. Anyway, she had tried.

* * *

><p>It was eight o'clock in the morning and Rick was being prepared for his back surgery. He thought this would be one of the most thrilling days of his life. He had been waiting so long for it, getting his surgery and starting his rehab to get back on his feet again. Instead he was feeling awful and sad and totally unmotivated.<p>

When he was ready, two nurses put him into bed and moved him outside the room to the OR. They started moving along the hallway when he spotted her. She was sitting on a chair, her head in her hands, her legs moving nervously.

"Kate?" He called her.

She straightened her head and stoop up to walk towards him. "Hey! How are you?" she asked, her face showing a little embarrassment.

He stretched his arm to take her hand. "Much better now." His eyes fell to the floor. "Look, I'm sorry Kate. I really am."

She moved her hand to close his mouth, pressing his chin upwards with her index finger. "This is not the time, Rick. Later, ok?"

He nodded. "You're staying?"

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Yeah, I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere, Castle."

He smiled too and laid back on his bed, letting the nurses taking him to the OR, now feeling the way he always thought he would.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Ok. So this is where I stop. I know this is more like a transition chapter but it was needed to move on. A lot of things have been told here.

I hope you guy have found this interesting and entertaining. Keep reading, please!

Thanks to all my faithful readers and reviewers. You make this so GREAT! I love checking my email everyday just because of you :)

A big 'thank you' too to all those adding this to alerts and favorites. You guys are great :D


	12. Chapter 12 Forward

**A/N:** Hello people! I want to thank you all for the great response to my previous chapter. You've really blown me away the last couple of days with all the story and favorite alerts. So, THANK YOU! From the bottom of my heart :D

This is only my second story EVER and this is not even my language, so it means a lot to me to have this kind of response. I'm flattered and so, so very happy.

After that long 'Oscar Acceptance like' speech (I can be very melodramatic sometimes… :P), I'll leave you with the new chapter. I hope you enjoy it :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12. FORWARD<strong>

Rick entered the Operating Room with a smile on his face, feeling optimistic for the first time in almost two weeks. The room was cold; both in temperature and appearance, which made him feel a little uneasy all of a sudden.

He was transferred to the operating table on a simple move and after that, the only thing he could see was a tangle of arms working over him and turning him around, getting him ready to start the _party_.

A woman with amazing blue eyes put a breathing mask on his face and ordered him to breath deeply. "Now try to relax, mister Castle, and count from ten to one, ok?"

Rick nodded and started counting. "Ten… Nine…Eight… Sev…" And then everything went black. But not for long…

XXXXXXXXXX

_Something wraps around him and suddenly, Rick is standing in his kitchen as Alexis opens a letter from Stanford. Her face falls and he feels his heart breaking. Then everything starts spinning around and a super hero flies over their heads holding a sword and moving so fast they can't catch him. A moment later he's picking a container inside a dumpster. It's a human head. He blinks and he's kissing a blond woman I the middle of a hallway. Beckett comes out of a room and catches them, she's not happy. Now he's standing in the middle of an enchanted house, holding Kate's 'legs' while she's trying to climb into a secret passageway. In a second, he's sitting in a bank's floor, a gun pointed to his head and a very angry man, talking on the phone in front of him. A moment later everything blows up and he hears Beckett calling his name. Her smile tells him things he doesn't know he should believe, but they're there. And all is black again._

XXXXXXXXXX_  
><em>

Castle's blood-pressure starts to rise on the screen and it starts beeping like crazy. A couple of minutes later, the doctors have stabilized him and he's back to normal again.

XXXXXXXXXX

_His world starts spinning once again and he finds himself wearing an Elvis costume, trying to hide his embarrassment to a very amused Kate Beckett, and in a second his heart is breaking, listening to a crying Beckett at the other side of a door. He wants to go inside and hold her and tell her everything will be ok, but he knows he can't. Then, a tiger shows its face through a hole in a wall. He's cuffed to Kate and they're both scared to death. Now he's entering a church and Kate's there. She greets him and they walk inside together. It's Ryan's wedding. Everything goes back to black._

XXXXXXXXXX_  
><em>

* * *

><p>In the waiting room three women waited for news, sitting on three uncomfortable, plastic chairs. Kate had been keeping her distance from Castle's family. She could tell Alexis was mad at her and she couldn't blame her. They had gotten really close after the crash, and she had just disappeared from her life without an explanation when she had her fight with the girl's father. What was it with her and the Castles? She always seemed to hurt them no matter what she did.<p>

Martha stood up and walked towards her. "Do you mind?" She asked pointing the chair next to Kate.

"Of course not. Please." Kate said.

The older woman sat and held her hand. "How are you, dear?" she asked.

Kate was surprised and she had to blink and swallow hard before she could talk again. "I'm fine. Thanks, Martha. How have you been?"

The redhead made a flourish with her hand. "We've been fine. Some ups and downs but we're fairly good." Martha's face went back to serious. "You need to talk to Alexis, Kate. This stupid fight between you and Richard is being hard on her."

Kate looked at where Alexis was. The young woman was looking at the tiles; her hands locked and placed between her legs. "I know. I should have called her… Excuse me." She said, standing up and walking towards Alexis.

She sat beside her and bumped her shoulder with the girl's. "Hey."

Alexis looked at her with a hurt expression. "What?" she said drily.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I should have called you. What happened between your dad and me had nothing to do with you." Kate said, looking at the same tiles the girl next to her was looking at.

"You disappeared. You said you'd be there for me no matter what, and you left." The girl shot back, her eyes still on the floor.

Kate bit her lip and combed her hair with her fingers, trying to think what to tell her. "I know. I meant what I said to you, Alexis, but I haven't been doing things the right way lately… I'm really sorry." Kate reached to touch the girl's face, making her look at her. "Look, I don't know what's going to happen between your father and me after this, but I know I don't want to loose my relationship with you. – Alexis' eyes were hard on her - I understand that you're mad at me. The first bump in the road and I leave without a trace… I promise it won't happen again."

Alexis closed her eyes for a moment before she spoke again. "I need you to keep that promise, Kate. You can't fail me again."

"I won't. You can be sure about that." Kate saw a tiny smile drawn on the girls face. "Friends again?" she asked.

She looked back at the detective and nodded. "Yes." She said turning a little to give Kate a quick hug. "Do you think you and dad will make up soon? I really miss having you around all the time."

Kate smiled at that. She found it really sweet. "Well, we need to talk about what happened but I don't think now's the best moment. He needs to get well first."

Martha sat beside Kate, leaving her in the middle of both redheads, each of them holding one of her hands. "It's been 4 hours now. They should be done soon. This is worse than waiting for the critics after an opening night." The older woman said.

* * *

><p>Rick was resting in the recovery room, barely awake, when a nurse started smacking him softly on the face to make him wake up.<p>

"Mister Castle? Can you hear me? You have to wake up. How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I…" His voice was scratchy and his tongue felt like a shoe sole. "Thirsty." He managed to say.

"Ok, I'll bring you some ice chips. You'll be moved to a room in a minute." The nurse informed him, before leaving to get his ice chips.

Ten minutes later he was in a hospital room, feeling like a truck had gone over him. – Ironically, that happened almost three months ago… -

* * *

><p>After talking to the surgeon and being told that everything had gone perfect, the three women were led to Castle's room.<p>

"He'll be a little drowsy yet, so be patient. If he is in any pain call the nurses. He'll be on strong painkillers for a while." The doctor told them.

"Thank you, doctor." Martha said.

The man gave them a quick nod. "Mrs. Rodgers, Mrs. Castle, Miss." And walked away.

Kate had turned crimson red when the man had called her Mrs. Castle. How come that everybody thought they were married?

Alexis opened the door and turned around when she saw Kate was standing outside, not intention to move. "You're not coming?" She asked.

"I need a minute." She could see the panic on the girl's eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not going to run. I just need a while."

Alexis nodded and walked inside the room and closed the door, leaving the detective outside.

"Dad!" The girl called, when she saw her father lying drowsily on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Castle smiled. "Kind of beat. But I can't complain." He said. "Where's Kate? She said she would stay." He asked a little worried.

"She's outside. She said she needed a minute." Alexis told him, trying to reassure him. "She's coming in, dad. Don't worry."

"You know what? We've already seen you and you're doing just fine. Maybe Alexis and I should go out to grab something to eat. It's past lunchtime. Come on, darling, lets go." Martha said leaving the chair she was sitting on and walking towards the door.

"But we just got in!" Alexis retorted.

"Come on, kiddo!" The older woman said, holding the girl's arm and moving her out with her. "They need to talk, dear. It won't be easy if there's an audience." She said on her granddaughter's ear. "See you later, Richard."

* * *

><p>After Martha and Alexis left, it still took Kate a while to enter the room. She didn't know how to act around him now. She walked inside looking down, moving her eyes slowly up, until they found his.<p>

"Hi." Was the only thing her mouth could articulate.

"Hi." He said back. She didn't move. "Are you going to stay there all day? I know these chairs are like sitting on a cactus, but at least you'd be closer, you know." He joked.

Her feet started moving again and she reached his bedside, sitting on the chair he'd been pointing for her.

"How are you feeling?" She asked timidly.

He looked at her, concern spilling out of his eyes. "Right now, I don't know. Kate, are you ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." She looked back at him with a soft smile, but she knew he didn't buy it. "Ok, I'm not. It's just that I don't know what to do, Castle." She stood up and walked around the room. "I want to be here for you, but at the same time I can't stop being mad at you. Does that make any sense?" She asked.

"I guess so. Look, Kate, I know this is being hard for you, I understand, really." He said following her pace around the room with his eyes. "You've seen the folder, is there anything on it that can tell us what was going on? Cause, I can tell you, I have no idea."

Kate stopped her pacing, her hand on her forehead, rubbing it slowly. "I haven't opened it." She confessed.

"What?" he asked in disbelieve. "You've had it for almost two weeks now, and you haven't opened it? Why?"

She turned to look at him, embarrassment and fear all mixed up on her stare. "I can't." She simply said.

Rick's eyebrows knotted over his eyes. "You can't?"

"It's complicated." She said. "Your mother told me you were trying to protect me." Move his attention to other thing, that was what she needed now. "From what?"

He frowned again. "Kate, they almost killed you last year. Do I need more reasons? Sincerely, I don't know what of me trying to keep you alive is what pisses you off so much. Have you ever thought how would this be the other way around?" he asked.

She tore her eyes from him, resuming her pacing, her hands on her hips. "I guess I'd do the same. But that doesn't change anything, Rick. Loving someone doesn't give you the right to rule their lives and do what you think is better for them just because of that. The fact that I'd do the same thing doesn't mean it'd be ok." She shot. "I understand your concern and I know it must have been hard for you to do it, even thought you don't remember now, but this has been a very important part of my life for a long time and no one, not even you, has the right to decide what to do about it but me." She stopped on her tracks again. "And you know what? Now that I think about it, you've been investigating on your own. There were new leads on your smart board. So, I can't put my life in danger to solve MY mother's case but you can? You think they would care about blood relation if they'd find out you've been digging into it? They'd kill you the same, Rick! And you have a family."

"So do you, Kate." He retorted feeling a little angry. He had been caught at the 'loving someone' part but hearing her say she wouldn't leave anyone if she died, made his blood boil. "There are a lot of people around you. Don't think that loosing you wouldn't mean anything to us. As you have said, loving someone doesn't give you the right to live their lives for them, but if you have the chance to keep them alive, if you're given the chance to protect them from the devil, you do it. No matter what." He stated with his hoarse voice.

Kate sighed loudly, letting her hands fall from her hips in defeat. "Ok, you're right. I don't want to fight anymore."

"Come here." He ordered. She walked towards the bed, staying at a reasonable distance from him. "Kate, I can't move, ok? Don't make me beg."

She moved closer and he grasped her hand tight, pulling her even closer to make her sit beside him. "There. Much better." He said with a grin. "Let's forget about this for a while, ok? I'm tired and I've missed you too much to spend the first day I see you in weeks fighting." That got him a genuine smile. "That's better."

She relaxed a little, leaning against his side. "I'm sorry I make things so difficult. I'm trying, Rick. I really am."

"I know." He said kissing the back of her hand. "Hey." He poked her with his elbow. "Have we just said we love each other?" he asked with his childish enthusiasm shinning in his eyes.

Kate blushed a deep red, recollecting all they had said on the last minutes. "Yeah, I guess we have." She replied.

"Oh man! That's the most unromantic way ever!" He whined.

She grinned and kissed his cheek, making him look at her. "Yeah, but that's our way, right?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay, we're done for now. I hope you've liked this one. I personally think it sucks but, please, don't stop reading!

My thanks to CastleWriter16 for her suggestions; I really appreciate your insight ;) And thanks also to everyone reading this and reviewing (some of you have been doing it from the beginning and that's SO cool!), adding this to alerts and favs and all that. You make this story. - WOW! I'm reaching my melodramatic top today… But still, I love you, guys :P

**XXXX**

So, you've finished the chapter and you've reached this never ending author's note and you keep reading, because you're that wonderful, and then you see that line down there, yes, the one on blue letters that says 'review this chapter', and you go and click on it and then leave a few words for me to read; and all that, just because you're such a beautiful human being.

Did you know I was a psychic? Lol. (Nah, but, pretty please? –_puppy dog eyes_-).


	13. Chapter 13 Standing

**A/N:** Hey there, my people! I've missed you :P This is going to be a short chapter. I have my 2 years old nephew for the weekend, and as many of you may know, a kid that age is like a tornado mixed with a tsunami and a hurricane, all in one. That means no time to write :(

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this :)

**Chapter 13. STANDING**

After the awkward moment they had have, both Kate and Rick decided to keep it quiet until Alexis and Martha were back.

Kate felt weird. Although she was glad to be there, his arm around her, holding her close, she knew they still had a lot to talk about. She knew they had a lot of non-resolved issues that floated around them like frail soap bubbles. If one of them exploded, who knew what could happen. She also knew that was not the time, nor the place, to talk about it. They would have to wait. Lately, that was all they did. Wait.

Rick didn't seem too worried about anything. He was happy to have her sitting next to him, her head leaning on his shoulder. He knew they were not in the best place, that the things they hadn't said yet, would have to come out sooner or later, but he was just content with what they had. For now, it was just enough.

* * *

><p>Rick was released from Hospital five days after the operation and started his physical therapy sessions immediately.<p>

At first the therapist visited him home, and moved his legs on different exercises to make him gain back some muscle. He had recovered the feeling in the area below his waist, which was both good and bad. He now could feel the pain in his joints and the uncomfortable and annoying numbness on his legs.

He could also feel the way Kate's fingers drew lazy circles on his knee when she was lying on his lap, watching a movie, or the way she always put a hand on his thigh when she was talking to him about something important. That was worth all the pain.

After a few weeks of 'passive' therapy, he started going to the therapy center. He still couldn't move much more than his toes by himself - and not really well – but his therapist started to put some weight on his ankles during his exercises, and he was put on the bars to, at least try, to hold himself standing. He wasn't being very lucky on that. His muscles were too weak, and it hurt like hell when his legs were forced to bear the weight of his body. That made him SO mad.

* * *

><p>It was a new day at the Castle household and they were all having breakfast in the kitchen bar, when the doorbell made them know there was someone outside. Martha went to open the door to find Kate standing at the other side with a box of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. Both women smiled and the older made the younger come in, with a flourish of her hand.<p>

"Morning, darling! We weren't expecting you today. Richard said you were in the middle of a case." Martha greeted her; at the same time she followed her to the kitchen.

"I was, yeah." She sat on the stool between Rick and Alexis, stroking the girl's head with one hand and Rick's shoulder with the other, murmuring her hello to them.

"What happened?" The writer asked, noticing her grimly face.

Kate sighed with resignation. "Gates kicked me out." She simply said.

Alexis' mouth made a big O before asking, "Why?"

"Well, she told me a few weeks ago that I had to use my days off before the end of the first trimester of this year or I would loose them. I never talked to her about it again, so today, when I snapped at her while she was giving us orders for the operation, she made me take them ALL. Immediately." She stopped to pick a pinch of cinnamon roll. "So, now, I have two whole weeks off to do absolutely nothing. I don't even know what to do with so much free time…" she said, her eyes scanning the air in front of her.

Rick's face broke into a stupid grin. "I'm surprised she didn't suspend you, instead of sending you on vacation."

"Yeah, well, she knows this is enough punishment for me." Kate said, still staring at nothing in particular.

Alexis looked at her in disbelieve. "How can you think of holiday as a punishment? Now you can do whatever you want. Sleep in, go out at nights, visit places, family…"

Kate turned her gaze to her. "Yeah… Well, not that I will do all that, but there's nothing I can do about it, right? So, what are your plans for today?"

Martha talked first. "I have classes from ten to one and after that, we're all having lunch to celebrate one of our colleagues birthday. Probably won't be back until late tonight…" the woman said, implying more than she wanted to say.

Rick rolled his eyes and smiled. "Well, have fun, Mother. And don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thinking it better, don't do anything I _would_ do." He laughed.

"Dad!" Alexis scolded him. She turned her attention to Kate. "I'm going out with my friend Lisa. She needs to get her dress for his cousin's wedding next month and we're having lunch with her boyfriend and some of his friends after."

"Boyfriend? Friends? And I assume his friends are boys?" Her father asked, one of his eyebrows reaching dangerous heights in his forehead.

"Relax, Castle! She's already proved she's twenty times more responsible than you at her age. She's probably twenty times more responsible than you right now." Kate mocked him, high-fiving Alexis.

"Yeah, ok. No need to gang against me." He said, trying to look hurt. "I have therapy today." He said, not very excited.

Kate noticed that and said, "Do you mind if I come with you?"

His face beamed at that, a huge smile parting his face in two. "Yeah, that'd be great. You'll bore to death, though. Still can't do much."

"I'm sure it'll be better than staying home doing nothing." She replied.

* * *

><p>Castle was in the middle of one of his exercises when his phone rang. It was Gina. The fourth Nikki Heat novel was due two months ago and he had nothing. The Black Pawn big guys were really sorry for his accident, but they needed a manuscript soon or he would be in trouble. He already was in trouble, he thought.<p>

"Can't they give you more time? I mean, these are not normal circumstances." Kate asked him.

Rick shook his head. "No. The last book was released almost a year ago. With the time editing and printing takes, it would be out far too late. I don't know about marketing, but I guess that's bad…" he said.

"Marketing? That's all they care about? The people buying your books knows about you, they know what you're going through. I'm sure no one would care if your book were released two, three or six months after its due date." Kate said, completely indignant.

He let out a breath. "Whatever Kate. They don't care about that and there's nothing I can do about it." He turned his face and went on with his exercises.

Ok, Kate thought. She was trying to support him and he snapped at her. She knew the therapy was being hard. He had told her that it took out all his energy and that most of the days he felt like he had not done any advance. She knew how that was. How frustrating and discouraging it could be. But she also knew he was strong enough to go over it. At least she thought so.

* * *

><p>It was Rick's time at the bars, his most feared enemy nowadays. His therapist helped him out of the chair and he held onto the bars with a death grip, his arms tensing.<p>

"OK, I'm letting go of you now, Rick. Try to hold yourself for a few seconds, ok?" The man told him.

He took his hands from his armpits and took a step back. Rick stood up for no more than five seconds before he let himself fall back onto his chair.

"I can't do this, damn it! It hurts!" He yelled.

Kate was at his side in a second, her hand on his shoulder. "Come on Rick, of course you can. Just try again." She told him.

He shrugged her hand off and made a sign to his therapist to help him up again. The man pulled him up until he was holding onto the bars again and warned him when he was about to let go of him.

"You got this, Rick. Just a few seconds." Kate encouraged him. "Come on!"

He let go of the bars even sooner that before, taking the chair's break off and rolling away, swearing loudly, to Kate's surprise. She followed him outside the room.

"Hey! What was that? Are you ok?" Kate asked, really worried.

He was holding his head on his hands, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "I can't do this. It's too hard." He simply said.

Kate tried to put her hand on his shoulder again, but he moved away from her. "Rick. Please. You can't talk like that. I know it's hard. I know it hurts, but you _have_ to keep trying." She said. "You can't give up on this."

He looked at her, anger flooding out of his blue depths. "You don't get it. I can't! I can't stand the pain. I do exercises and all that stupid stuff and nothing works. It hurts the same and my legs are as weak as they were weeks ago. This is not working. The surgery didn't work." He stated.

"Yeah. And you know that because you got you medicine degree when I wasn't looking. Come on, Rick! It's been four weeks since the surgery. Doctor Miller said it would take at least a year to get you back on your feet. You still have 11 months to go, you can't give up at the first inconvenience." She told him. She knew he was tired, and pissed and scared. She had been there not long ago.

He was mad now. Nothing she said had the effect she was seeking, just the opposite. "Why do you care so much, Kate? You don't want to have to bear with a crippled man?"

"What?" she asked perplexed.

"Come on! Don't try to hide it. You were willing to be the almost-girlfriend of a famous, rich and not bad looking writer, but now that the story's changed and I can't write or even hold myself on my feet, you're not that interested." He shot.

Kate's eyes were wide open and her lower lip trembled with rage. "Are you even listening to yourself? How can you say that?" A lonely tear made its way down her cheek. "I know you're angry because this is being too hard for you but, don't take it on me. I don't care if you don't write a single word ever again. I don't care if I have to push this stupid chair around forever. I just want you to be ok, Rick. You don't wanna try again? Ok, don't do it. But don't you dare to talk to me like that again."

"Or what, Kate?" He asked with a wicked and pained smile on. "Will you leave me? Will you tell my mom?"

Kate took a deep breathe. She knew it was his anger talking. "You know what? Your car is waiting for you outside, so you don't need me to take you home. Call me when you're back to normal. This new bitchy personality of yours doesn't go with me." She said. "I want to help you, Rick. I want to be there for you, but I can't do anything if you keep pushing me away."

She had started to walk away when he talked back. "You really want to talk about pushing away? 'Cause I thought you were the inventor of that term."

She didn't look back. When she reached the door tears were rolling down her face. She knew he was right.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay, is this a weird chapter or not? I still don't know what to think about it…

Like it? Love it? Hate it? You don't know? Leave a review, comment or whatever you want. Please!


	14. Chapter 14 Space

**A/N: **Hi everyone! I'm sorry I'm a day late on my update. I had a busy day yesterday and then I opened a new Tumblr account and, Oh gosh! That thing is EVIL! I was so hooked I spent all evening on it. Shame on me! I know… :(

Anyway, this is a long chapter compared to the others so I hope that makes it up to you guys :). Enjoy!

I also wanted to thank you all for the response to my last chapter. I was overwhelmed, really. You're all simply AWESOME!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14. SPACE<strong>

Kate moved fast after she left the therapy center. She hailed a cab in record time and tried to camouflage her tears as she gave her address to the cabby.

She was home in twenty minutes, letting herself fall down to the floor as soon as she had closed the door of her apartment. She had stopped crying. Tears refused to fall down now, event though she was feeling awful. She was mad at him for treating her like that, but deep down she knew he didn't mean those words, and also deep down, she knew that the last thing he had said to her was absolutely true. She had been pushing him away since the day they met.

After a few minutes to gain her strength back, she headed to the bathroom to have a shower and get ready for a long drive.

* * *

><p>Rick got home like a thunder, slamming the door after letting himself inside the loft, and scaring his daughter - who was reading on the couch - to death.<p>

"Dad? What was that for?" Alexis asked, noticing Kate was nowhere to be seen.

Castle avoided eye contact; he knew the moment he looked at her he'd be spilling all out. "Nothing. Sorry I scared you, Pumpkin." He tried.

The girl reached for his jaw and made him look up to her. "Dad, don't lie to me, ok? What's wrong? And why Kate is not with you?"

"This parenting thing of yours is starting to annoy me, you know?" he joked. "She's not here because we had a fight, and that's pretty much what caused my dramatic entry a minute ago." He tried not to give away too much information.

Alexis looked at him perplexed. "A fight? AGAIN? What is wrong with you two? You can't seem to be ok with each other for more than five minutes… Why?" she asked.

Rick frowned. "I don't know." He said on a breath.

"So? What happened?" The girl asked, getting a little impatient.

Rick rubbed his face and sighed. "She was… pushy. Rehab is hard and she was talking like it's the easiest thing in the world. She has no idea what I'm going through." He said angrily.

Alexis looked at him dumbfounded. "I'm pretty sure she does, dad. She's been through it herself not long ago, remember?"

"But that was not the same." He was fighting the guilt with all he had, but failing.

"She was shot, you had an accident, you both almost died. I think the way it happened or the kind of damage you had, doesn't mean you're not going through the same." She told him.

He looked at her, hurt. "Yeah, but that doesn't give her the right to pressure me."

"Pressure you, how?" His daughter asked.

He started moving towards his study, Alexis following him. "I told her I couldn't do it. It hurt too much, but she had to keep on pressing me…"

"She asked you to try again and you got mad at her, right?" The girl asked, already knowing the answer.

And there it was. As simple and stupid as it sounded, that was what had happened. She had asked him to try to get on his feet again and he had gone crazy. Not because of her, but because he was scared. Terrified that he would have to spend his life tied to that chair, but that was not her fault, was it?

"Yeah. That's what happened." He said embarrassed. "I messed up big time, didn't I?"

"She's not here, so yeah, I think so." His daughter said. "You should apologize. The sooner the better."

He gave her a panicked look. "I can't talk to her right now, sweetie. You have no idea the things I told her… She'll be mad as hell."

"Ok. Maybe you should leave it cool a couple of days, but then you'll have to crawl your way back to her." she scolded him

"I can't crawl, but I can try creeping." He conceded with a sad smile.

* * *

><p>Later that day Alexis took her phone and dialed Kate's number. She needed to know everything was going to be ok between them.<p>

The detective answered it at the second tone. "Beckett"

"Hi. Kate? It's Alexis. Castle." She said a little shaky.

"Yeah, you're the only Alexis I know. No need for the last name, honey." She tried to ease it up. " What is it, sweetie? Are you ok?" Kate asked, knowing what was the source of her despair.

"I only wanted to know if you were ok. Dad told me what happened and… Well, I was worried." The teen said.

Kate took a deep breath before she spoke again. "I'm fine, Lex. And your dad and I will be fine, eventually. I think both of us need some time to think right now."

Alexis let out the air she had been holding. "So, you're not mad at him?" She asked.

"Yes, I am. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be mad forever." She made a pause. "I'm leaving for a few days. My dad's at his cabin and now that I have a lot of free time, I think I'll pay him a visit. I'm leaving in a minute." Kate told her.

That was not what the girl was expecting to hear. "You're leaving? But you'll be back, right?"

Kate felt guilt growing inside her. Alexis knew the last time she had asked for time, she had been missing for three months. "Yes. I will. I promise, Alexis."

"Ok. Have fun then. And just so you know, dad's super sorry. He's chickened out and hasn't called because he thinks you'd kill him if he did."

Kate smiled at that. "Yeah. He's probably right…" She said on a muffled laugh. "I have to go, Lex. I still have a 3 hours drive ahead. Talk to you soon, ok?"

"Ok, Kate. Drive safe. Bye." And with that Alexis hung up the phone, feeling a little better. She just wanted things to be ok.

* * *

><p>Kate had been driving for over an hour and a half, reliving the fight in her head, like a song on <em>repeat<em>. Each time she found different things, different ways she should have reacted, different retorts she should have given, different outcomes to the same story, that maybe, would had prevented them from being apart again.

She knew how it was. She knew how it felt when people tried to make you take another step, when you felt like just breathing, was already the biggest of efforts. She knew how it was when someone you love tried and tried to make it ok, failing over and over again, just because you didn't want to see beyond your nose. She knew, and yet, she couldn't stop herself from making the same things with him, which proved his theory. When you love someone, you try to do whatever it takes to help them, even the things you know may not work.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thirteen months ago…<strong>_

_Almost four weeks had past since the shooting and Kate was lying flat on her bed, her eyes scrutinizing the white and well-known ceiling. It was almost noon but she didn't want to get up. She felt safe there, wrapped in her blankets, door shut, no one there to judge her or tell her what to do, just nothing and silence._

_Minutes later, her dad knocked on her door. "Katie? It's the third time this week you miss physical therapy, sweetheart. I know it's hard but-…"_

"_Not now, dad!" She yelled back. She was so angry… Mad at everything and everyone._

"_Honey, please! You'll have to get out of that bed sooner or later. You can't hide there forever, Kate." Her father told her, his voice caught up with worry._

_She closed her eyes hard, trying to leave everything out. "I can try." Was her only answer._

**_xxxxxxxxxx_**

_**Four weeks after that…**_

_She had managed to go to all her therapy sessions that week and the week before, and the week before that. Somewhere inside, she knew there was no way she would be back to her old life – as unappealing as it seemed then - if she didn't put all of her willpower on rehab. In spite of that, it was hard as hell being there and ignore the pain, the feeling her skin was going to break every time she moved, the way her heart jumped on her chest when she moved a little too fast and the lack of oxygen in her lungs when that happened. All of it made her want to give up, go back to the safe cocoon she had created on her bed weeks before, and forget about everyone and everything._

_There was something making her go on, though. Three little words seared in her head and her patched heart, which reminded her that she needed to be back. She had been trying to make them go, pretend she hadn't heard them but nothing worked. They were there, resonating in her ears whenever she thought about giving up again._

_She had to go through all that pain to be able to make it up to him; for lying, for not being ready, for being the mess she was, for hiding from him, when she knew he needed to be there with her… Too many things to amend._

* * *

><p>Kate shook the memories off, focusing on the road. She was close, just another fifteen minutes and she'd be there. She hadn't seen her father in weeks. It always surprised her the way she realized how much she'd missed him, when she had him close, hugging her, not before.<p>

When she finally could see the little cabin, the disturbing nervousness that had been stalking her since she left the city, submitted a little. His car was there, so he had to he home.

She parked her car and picked up her bag from the trunk, before walking towards the wooden door. She could have just walked inside but she knocked instead, just to make the moment a little more emotive and less – I'm here trying to hide again – like. She waited until she heard the steps coming closer.

Her father's face of surprise was indescribable. "Katie! Oh, honey! What are you doing here?" he asked all excited.

Kate hugged her dad, remembering how much she loved the smell of his after-shave mixed with the wood smoke. "Hi dad! I… I knew you were here and… Can I come in?" she asked.

"Of course, sweetie! I'm so glad you're here." He said, putting his hand on her back to make her come inside. "Come on, I just made some coffee, it'll warm you up."

She smiled thankfully. "Yeah, that'd be great."

* * *

><p>When they were inside, coffee in hand, they sat in the living room telling each other about their lives on the few weeks they hadn't seen each other.<p>

Jim had been working on the house; there was always something to do there. Fix the roof, repair a pipeline, change the bulbs of the outside lights… It was always busy there, which was the reason he spent at the cabin as much time as he could. That kept his mind occupied.

She talked about her job, last cases she had been working on, her therapy sessions with Dr Burke and everything she was willing to share that was not related to Castle. She didn't want to go there yet.

"I see you've been busy, honey." Jim told her daughter when she fell silence.

Kate smiled. "Yeah. Nothing new…"

"Oh, hey! How's Castle? Is he getting any better? Last thing you told me was that we was having his back surgery. How did it go?" He asked really concerned.

Just the mention of his name made her blink uncomfortably, his father didn't miss it. "He's… the surgery went just fine. He's on physical therapy now. Not… going so fine…"

Jim moved closer to her on the couch, reaching for her hand. "Katie, does Castle have anything to do with your sudden visit?" he asked. Kate's face fell and he rushed to say, "Don't get me wrong, honey. I'm glad you're hear."

"I know dad." She said giving him a reassuring smile. "And… yes. He has all to do with it…" she said cradling her head on her hands. "Things have been weird between us lately. One day we're getting closer, and suddenly, everything falls apart, and we're back at the beginning. It's been like that since the accident." She confessed. "It's so frustrating!"

Jim's face became serious. "So, I take from that, that you two have been trying something?" He asked, trying his luck.

Kate raised her head from her hands a little. "Yes… No… I don't know…" She doubted. "Agh! I can't believe I'm telling you about this!" embarrassment was drowning her.

Jim smiled. "You haven't told me anything yet. And you don't have to, Katie, if you don't want to." He said.

"No, dad. It's ok. I need to let it out." She said, smiling back at him. "The truth is that I've been working on something more than the PTSD with Dr Burke. He's been helping me with… Well, it's hard to explain." She frowned. "I'm trying to let myself have something with Castle, but I need to be ready first."

Jim frowned as well, a little confused. "Ready for what?"

"Ready to start something serious with him, dad. I need to be more for him. More than I've been until now." Kate explained.

"Katie, you're already more than enough." He said lovingly. "I don't think you get the way love works, honey. It just happens, you're ready or not. I know you love Castle, you have for a long time, and I'm absolutely certain that he's been in love with you for years." He paused to look at his daughter in the eyes. "You already have a very serious relationship with him, honey. You're there for each other, you care about each other, you've even saved each other's lives a million times. He'd die for you. He almost took that bullet for you, and I don't doubt you'd do the same for him. What's more serious than that?"

Kate chewed on her bottom lip for a while. "I don't know. I just need this to be different. It's never worked before because of me…"

"Have you ever felt like this before? Have you ever wanted so badly for it to work?" Jim asked.

She thought about it for a second. "No. Not like this."

His eyes softened and he gave his daughter a tender smile. "There you have your answer. You're willing to work for it, make sacrifices. You're ready, honey, but you're still scared."

Kate looked down. "How do I stop being scared?" she asked.

Jim squeezed his daughter's hand to make her look up at him. "You can't, Katie. Fear will always be there, weaker or stronger, for one reason or another, but it never leaves. You just have to learn to live with it and not letting it hold you from getting what you want." He told her. "It's not easy, but it's so worth it."

Kate pursed her lip on a tight smile and squeezed his father's hand back. She knew he was right. She was waiting and waiting for something impossible. She was tired of it, tired of wasting time, when she knew perfectly well what she wanted.

Jim talked again, bringing her back from her thoughts. "Somehow, I think that's not what brought you hear. Am I wrong?" he asked.

"No, that's not it. But maybe we could leave that for later? I'm tired. It's been a long day." She said, rubbing her temple with her free hand.

"Sure. Why don't you go upstairs and get comfortable while I start dinner?"

Kate stood up taking her bag with her. "Yes. Good idea. I'll be right back." She started walking towards the stairs, but turned around before she reached them. "Thank you, dad. That's been… Good." She said with a shy smile.

Her father returned the smile and gave her a playful wink. "No problem, kid. Go get changed."

* * *

><p>Kate put her bag on the bed and opened it. When she was about to start taking her clothes off, her phone chimed. It was a text from Alexis.<p>

'_Hey Kate! Just wanted to know if you arrived to your dad's cabin save and sound. Let me know :)' _

She pressed the reply button and wrote:

'_Hi Lex. I arrived an hour ago. Thanks for your concern. I'm doing fine :) How's your dad?'_

A minute later she had a response:

'_He's still grumpy but getting better. Have fun there. We miss you :)'_

She couldn't but smile at that. That girl was so sweet! She thought for a while and then wrote back:

'_Thank you, I will. I miss you all too. Night.'_

And that was the truth. She missed Alexis because that girl was like happiness, cuteness and loveliness all bottled up in one; she missed Martha and her drama, and her sometimes-unnoticed wisdom, but who she missed the most was that grumpy, stupid writer she had left that same morning at the therapy center.

She understood what he was going through, but she was still mad at him, he had been unfair, rude and totally out of line. They would have to talk about it, about a lot of things, when she went back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Well, this is it for now. I can feel the end coming… Can't tell you how many chapters are left but I don't think it will take a lot. I hope you've liked this chapter.

Thanks to all of you reading, reviewing and adding to alerts and favs. You are all great and I'm really, really thankful.

I wanted to thank Miniwriter305 for her/his suggestions. Very helpful! :)

Feel free to leave any comment you want. You like it? You hate it? You need to know anything? You want to make a suggestion? Whatever crosses your mind will be ok with me. Just press that 'review this chapter' button! :P


	15. Chapter 15 Return

**A/N:** Here I am again! Hello, by the way :P This has been the weirdest day ever, I swear. It's been snowing all day, cold as hell outside and I couldn't make myself do ANYTHING! Not even writing. In fact, I'm writing this at 4:27 am after spending all day procrastinating. I know, I'm crazy…

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15. RETURN<strong>

Kate put on a pair of leggings and a t-shirt and went back downstairs. Her dad was in the little kitchen of the cabin, preparing dinner while he hummed some old song and swayed to it. She walked into the kitchen and peeked over her father's shoulder to see what he was cooking.

"Beckett chicken!" She said with a big smile.

Jim turned his head to look at her with a grin on his face. "Yep. This used to be your favorite when you were a kid."

Kate nodded. "Yeah. It still is." She said. "There's nothing in the world that can compete with your chicken, dad."

"Thank you, sweetie. Why don't you set the table? This is almost done." He asked, turning his full attention to their dinner.

Kate moved around, setting the table for two and helping her dad to carry the food to the dinning room when he was done. They sat and ate in silence, enjoying the food and the company, until Jim decided to ask about Kate's real reason for visiting.

"So, you and Castle had a fight?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Kate raised her head from her plate a little stunned. "Uhm… Yeah. Sort of." She swallowed the chicken she had been chewing. "He's not taking it well. Physical therapy. It's being too hard for him." She said, looking back down to her food.

Jim's face fell a little. "Well, it was hard for you too, remember?" He asked. "It took me weeks to convince you to go back after your first session."

She nodded, still feeling ashamed for her behavior back then. "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm trying not to give it too much importance. What he said hurt, but I know he didn't mean it. At least most of it…" She couldn't stop thinking about the pushing away part.

Jim thought about his daughter's words for a minute. "Hmm. If you're trying not to give it importance, what are you doing here?" he asked. "I mean, it's ok if you want to visit, but it's obvious you're here running from something. Him."

Kate knew she couldn't postpone it anymore. The ugly and uncomfortable truth had to come out. "What happened today was just the straw that broke the camel… There are some… things we haven't resolved yet. Something he had been hiding from me since after the shooting."

"What had he been hiding?" Her father asked, unable to hide his curiosity.

Kate frowned, thinking about how to explain this to him. "Well… The thing is he doesn't remember he had been hiding it, so I can't ask for an explanation because he can't give me one. And I was so mad, dad… It hurt so much when I found out."

"Yeah, Katie, I can imagine. But you haven't told me what was he hiding from you."

"He… I found a folder in his desk. He had been investigating mom's case and my shooting on his own. He had found new leads and new stuff but he never told me about it." She paused, collecting her thoughts before she went on. "Why would he hide something like that from me?" A sad smiled formed on her lips. "The truth is… I don't really want to know about the case. I need to give it a rest for my own good. I know the way it haunts me every time I get into it. I'm not ready for it right now."

Jim had moved closer to her and was holding her hand on his lap. "If you don't want to know, then why does it bother you so much?" he asked.

Kate looked at her dad in the eyes, knowing he would understand. "I don't want him to get hurt, or killed over this. He was not supposed to make this his own crusade. What if this had never happened and I hadn't found out? He would have gone on digging and maybe found something that would make them nervous. Maybe he'd be dead by now. Stupid man!"

Jim couldn't help but smile. "Have you told him about this? That you're just worried about him?"

Kate's eyes moved to study the floor of the dinning room for a moment. "No. I just went mad at him because he had lied to me. I never seem to do the right thing at the right moment with him." She hit the table with her fist. "Gosh! Why is this so hard?"

"You make it hard. If you know how you feel, why you're mad at him, just tell him. He doesn't remember anything about what he did, but he needs to know the consequences of it." Jim told her. "You need to let it out, let him know. Then everything will be easier."

Kate rubbed her forehead with her hand trying to wave the confusion away. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She said, starting to collect the dirty dishes on the table. "Anyway, I still have a couple of days until I have to face that again. I need the time."

Jim stood up and grabbed the glasses to take them to the sink. "You can stay as long as you want, honey. Just, get your thoughts together and be happy with that man. You both deserve it."

* * *

><p>Rick was roaming thought the cabinets and drawers of his study for the thousandth time, looking for a red pen-drive, the one where he kept his manuscript of the last Nikki Heat novel. He knew he had it somewhere, but he couldn't remember the exact place where he had put it. He always kept a copy on that pen-drive just in case, and it turned out that his laptop had died a week before the crash happened. According to Alexis, he had taken it to get it repaired but they couldn't recover anything from it; that copy was his salvation, he needed to find it, and soon.<p>

Alexis walked into the study unexpectedly, startling him. "Woah, kiddo! You wanna kill your old man?"

The girl couldn't fight the laughter. "Sorry, dad. What are you doing?" she asked.

Castle turned his chair around to look at his daughter. "I'm looking for that stupid pen-drive of mine. Have you seen it?"

"No, sorry…" Alexis said. "By the way, I just talked to Kate. She'll be back tonight. Thought you'd like to know."

Rick's face changed from neutral to absolute terror. "You've talked to her? Why? Did she call you? Is she still mad at me?" He asked frantically.

"Dad! Relax, ok? I called her. We've been talking everyday since she left. I wanted to be sure she was fine after what happened." The teen said, giving her father an apologetic look. "I don't know if she's still mad at you, but she sounded more… I don't know, composed."

Rick swallowed. "Composed. Ok."

Alexis laughed again. "That's a good thing, dad. So, are you going to see her? You guys need to talk."

"Yeah, see her. Yeah. I… I should get dressed, right?" He said, a little lost.

Alexis pushed his chair towards the bedroom. "Yes, but first, take a shower and try to relax a little, ok. It'll be a while until she gets here yet. Want me to call the car service to pick you up later?" She asked.

Rick looked back at her, still a little confused and extremely nervous. "Yes. Thank you, Pumpkin." And he rolled his way inside his bathroom.

* * *

><p>After almost four hours and a half driving her way into the city, Kate arrived at her building, her bag in one hand and a groceries bag, her dad had mede her take with her, in the other. She pushed the door open and walked into the elevator, pressing the button to her floor. When she heard the ding, she walked out of the steel box, only to find a very nervous Rick Castle waiting at her door.<p>

Their eyes locked and a long moment passed until any of them could talk.

"Hi!" He said.

"Hi!" Kate replied with an awkward grin. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

Rick blushed a little – wait, he's blushing? She thought – "Alexis told me you were coming back today. I needed to see you. I need to apologize." he was really embarrassed.

Kate walked towards the door and unlocked it, pushing it ajar so he could roll inside with his chair. Then, she walked inside and closed it. "Let me change and put this away and we can talk, ok? Want some coffee?" She asked.

He nodded and busied himself with one of the magazines she had over her coffee table. Ten minutes later she was back on her 'home clothes', handing him a steaming cup of their favorite beverage.

"Thank you. How was your weekend?" He asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

She looked at him, knowing he wasn't having the best of the times right then. "It's been just fine. A lot of father-daughter bonding, I missed that."

He smiled. He liked knowing she had someone to turn to when she wasn't feeling well, even though it was not him. "That sounds good. Father-daughter time is always great."

"Yeah. We talked a lot. About you, mostly." She said, knowing that would make him even more nervous. "He likes you, my dad."

Rick swallowed hard. "He does? Well, that's good. I like him too." He said playing with his fingers. His eyes roamed the floor, and then: "Look, Kate, I'm really sorry about what happened. All of it." His eyes moved to hers, an apology with words and stares. "I still can't believe I told those horrible things to you! You must hate me."

He was sitting on his chair, right in front of her, still out of reach, so she moved closer, taking one of his hands in hers, the other one, rubbing his knee. "I don't hate you, Rick. I could never hate you." She reassured him. "All those words hurt, of course, but I know how it is. I know how you felt. The fear, the frustration, the anger… I've been there myself, told those horrible things to my dad…" He squeezed her hand at that. "I was mad at you at first. Then I was just sad and worried. I can't see you like that, Rick. You've always been the fun one, the optimistic. Seeing you give up was like loosing hope."

"I don't want to give up, but it's hard. Sometimes I feel like this is never going to end. My memory is a mess, I keep having this flashes that I can't decipher, they're such an imbroglio that I don't know what the hell they mean. It's like a puzzle. I have all the pieces but I don't have a reference to put them back together in the proper order." Kate's hand rubbed his knee and he looked up at her before he went on. "And the rehab… It's just painful and frustrating. I want to do it, but each time I stand up in the bars is like someone's stabbing my legs with a million knifes. A whole year of that is going to kill me…"

Kate smiled softly. "It won't hurt like that all the time. The first weeks are the worst. Everything burns and hurts as hell, but later it gets better. You'll start making progress and that'll make it easier. The pain won't matter anymore." The hand she had in his knee moved to clasp on his other hand. "And, you'll have me there with you, no matter how many times you yell at me. I'll be there. Always."

He gave her a shy smile, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "Thank you, Kate. That's all I need."

Kate pursed her lips on a thin smile and throwing caution to the wind, she leaned over him and kissed him on the lips. It was soft, slow, just an appetizer of what was yet to come. After a minute she broke apart, searching his eyes for a sign.

He opened his eyes slowly, as if he did it fast, the memory would just vanish. "Wow! That was… Thank you."

Kate gave him a grin. "Thank you? That's funny."

He laughed, knowing how ridiculous he had sounded. "Yeah… Sorry for that. Does this mean you forgive me?" he asked hopeful.

"Yes. I forgive you. Under one condition." She said. "I know you don't remember now, but someday you will and I need you to know this. I don't want you to go through my mom's case again; not hers, not mine. At least not yet."

Rick opened his mouth to speak but she put a finger to his lips. "Let me finish, Rick." And her glare made him mute. "When I found out about all this, I was mad at you because you lied, but above all that, I was mad because you were risking your life for something that had nothing to do with you. I don't want to have to worry about you digging into that again. If I ever decide to investigate it, we'll do it together, understood? No more dirty games. We're partners."

"Ok. I can deal with that. As long as you have to comply to the same rules as me. If you want to do it, you have to tell me. Even if it's just opening that folder to see what's inside. Deal?" He asked, hoping he hadn't gone too far.

She smiled and shook his hand. "Deal."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, I don't know about this… I'm kind of lacking of an opinion about this chapter. I need yours desperately. Please be honest, if you hate it, tell me. I can take it :)

Thank you all for reading, reviewing (please do!) and adding this story to alerts and favs. I love you all! :P


	16. Chapter 16 Together

**A/N:** Hi there! I'm late again, I know… Been slacking a lot this weekend and I couldn't make myself write. Anyway, I made an effort today and here it is! The next chapter. A huge **Fluff alert**. It's necessary, sorry if you don't like that kind of stuff. I love it, so… :P

Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you all enjoy this and let me know what you think, k? Thanks :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16. TOGETHER<strong>

After their talk, Castle and Beckett fell into a comfortable silence while they finished their coffee; both of them swimming in their own thoughts, analyzing what had just happened and what would come next.

Castle's stomach made itself present with a loud growl, which made them both laugh. It was getting late and putting some food into their systems was becoming necessary.

Kate looked at her partner with an amused smile. "I was going to order in. Do you have to leave or can you stay for dinner?" she asked.

Castle thought for a second and then took his phone out. "I can stay. I just need to call Alexis to tell her everything went fine. She's… you know… worried." He said, dialing the number as he spoke.

"Ok. Tell her I said 'hi'" Kate said, pulling her own phone out of her pocket. "Is Chinese ok?" she asked, roaming through her contact list.

He already had his phone in his ear and nodded, giving her a thumb up. "Yeah, that's just fine. Oh. Hi Pumpkin!" He greeted his daughter when she answered his call, letting her know everything was fine and that he was going to miss dinner with her.

Their food arrived in short time and they sat comfortably on the couch in front of the TV, entertaining themselves watching some random movie and talking about nonsense.

* * *

><p>At 1:17 am Kate opened her eyes to find herself lying on Castle's lap, one of his hands on her shoulder and the other one supporting his own head against the armrest pillow of the couch. He was sound asleep and looking absolutely adorable.<p>

She moved, rising herself from his lap. When she was sitting next to him she poked and shook his arm a little to wake him up.

"Hey. We fell asleep." She told him, when he managed to keep his eyes open for more than a millisecond.

He yawned loudly and stretched his arms. "Yeah. I see. What time is it?" He asked, reaching for his wheelchair, so he could move himself to it.

Kate checked her watch and her eyes went wide when she saw how late it was. "Wow! It's almost 1:30 in the morning."

Castle looked at her surprised. "I didn't know I was so sleepy." He joked. "I'll have to call a cab." He said pulling out his phone.

Kate arched an eyebrow and took the phone from his hand. "Yeah, like I'm going to let you go outside at this hour; you're stuck in here tonight, Castle. Sorry."

He frowned, but the truth was that he was not going to argue about that. He was tired and staying at Kate's sounded like a much better idea than riding a cab all the way back to his place in the middle of the night. "Ok, detective. If that's what you want. I won't leave you alone tonight." He said, putting on his seductive voice.

Beckett laughed and got up from the couch, picking up the empty cartons that had been left on the table before. "You better go and get yourself ready for bed. I'll be there in a minute." She told him, turning around and walking to the kitchen.

Rick didn't move, going over her words, just to make sure he had understood right. "When you say bed, you mean _your_ bed?" He asked in disbelief.

Kate turned her head to look at him with a smirk on her face. "Well, yes, Castle. As much as I love my couch it's a little tight for two people."

He gave her a bemused smile and moved his chair to her bedroom, looking back every few seconds, just checking if she was messing with him. When he got to the bathroom he heard her calling him. "What?" He asked a little uneasy.

"There's a spare toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink. You can take it." She told him. And so he did.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes putting things in place in the kitchen and living room, Kate walked into her bedroom. Castle was already in bed, lying on his back and looking completely confused. She smiled at him and took her turn in the bathroom to get ready for bed.<p>

When she came out, her partner was still on the same position she had left him, as if he had been frozen in that corner of the bed. She was really enjoying this. Richard Castle feeling out of place. Priceless.

She got herself into bed, lying flat next to him for a moment. "Well, are you comfortable?" She asked him.

He swallowed hard and gave her a nervous smile. "Yeah. Just fine, thank you."

Kate moved to her side and turned the lights off. She laid down again and turned to Castle, who was trying to be still like a rock by controlling his breathing. He felt his heart stop when she snuggled closer to him, putting her head on his shoulder and her arm on his chest; one of her legs moved over his, tangling their limbs together. He was like a statue under her.

"Breath, Rick! I promise I'll respect your virtue." She said trying to control the laughter. She tilted her head up and kissed his jaw, feeling the stubble growing there already. "Night."

Rick smiled and kissed the top of her head, relaxing a little. "Good night, Kate." He said, letting his arms encircle the woman lying over him.

This was really unexpected, but he was glad things had turned out that way. - A night with Kate Beckett in his arms -. Sometimes life was good.

* * *

><p>The alarm woke them up at 7:30 am. Kate reached for it to turn it off but she had to disentangle from Castle's embrace first; he was holding her really tight and their legs were like knotted together.<p>

"Hmmmm. What was that for? You're on forced vacation." Castle whined, grasping her arm to pull her back to him. "Sleep."

"Nuh uh. Time to get up, Castle. I have an appointment at 9 and you should be home when your daughter wakes up. Come on!"

"But, Kaaaateee!" He trapped her hooking her arm with his. "I'm not letting you out of this bed." He told her.

She laughed. "Do you wanna fight? Cause let me tell you, you have nothing to do, mister." She joked, trying to get her arm back.

"Oh. You want to take advantage of a poor crippled man. Shame on you, detective." He said pouting and pulling her even closer.

Kate lost her balance and fell over him, being able to stop the fall putting her free hand on his shoulder. They looked at each other for a moment before they both moved to get what they really wanted.

They met halfway, lips brushing lightly at first. Rick put his hand around her neck, bringing her closer so he could deepen the kiss, lapping her lower lip with his tongue, making her open her mouth to him. She let out a soft moan when their tongues collided, wrestling for power. She moved to straddle him, her knees crowding the sides of his waist, as he put his hands on her shoulder blades, pushing her to him. The kiss was hot and slow and full of passion and need.

When their lungs started screaming for air they separated, both flushed and panting. Kate leaned down to put a quick peck on the tip of his nose before moving off him to get out of bed. Castle grabbed her hand and made her stop halfway.

"Kate?" he called, making her look back at him. "Does this mean what I think it means?" He asked, hope and confusion mixing up in his eyes.

She bit her lower lip, brushed her hair away from her face and nodded. "Yes. I guess it does." She replied with a smile.

Rick's fingers were rubbing the back of her hand, drawing little circles that made her shiver. He was smiling but still not sure about what she had said. "What's changed?" he asked.

Kate shrugged. "Me." A sad smile reached her face. "I'm not a new person or anything, it's just that I'm tired of waiting for fear to disappear. What if it never does? I don't want to let this pass and end up wondering…" Royce's words were echoing in her head. "Also, I'm not promising to be any different from what I've been, from who I am, Rick. I can try; I will try, being more open with you, not shutting you out when something's wrong, but you'll have to help me. We both have a lot of things to sort out, but maybe we could do it together?" Her eyes met his, a plea written in them.

Rick stretched his arms to pull her into a crushing hug. "Of course. Of course, Kate." he kissed the top of her head. "And, just so you know, I don't need you to change. I don't _want_ you to change. I fell in love with you a long time ago, Kate, with all your strengths and weaknesses, which by now I know too well. So, if you want to change something, do it for yourself, not for me, ok? Just be who you are, who you want to be. I'll love you just the same." He said, not having even realized he had said the L word twice, and Beckett was as pale as a ghost against his shoulder. When she didn't say anything, he asked, "You ok?"

Kate nodded exaggeratedly with her eyes wide open, her head still hidden in the crook of his neck. "Yeah, fine." She said, trying to control the trembling in her voice.

The detective broke their embrace to be able to look at him in the eyes, cradling his jaw in one hand, and touching the spot of his chest where his heart was thudding hard, with the other. "I love you too, Rick."

There it was, she had said the words, and to her surprise, she had never felt so relieved. The secret was out, she didn't have to hide it anymore, she didn't have to fight it; to make it didn't exist. He knew she loved him, and the world hadn't ended.

* * *

><p>When they managed to leave the emotional turmoil behind, they got ready, caught a cup of coffee and made their way to Beckett's car.<p>

She had an appointment with her therapist, and given what had happened just minutes before, she needed to be there. Not that she wanted to leave Castle; in fact, that was the last thing she wanted to do.

She parked the car in front of his building and got out of it to help Castle getting back on his chair. When he was settled in it, he took her hand and pulled her down to his level.

"Will you come over after your appointment? Please?" He asked, his puppy dog eyes looking at her.

She smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Yes. I will. See you in a couple of hours, ok?"

Castle smiled back and nodded, but he didn't let go of her hand. "Hey, I'm gonna need that, you know." She said with a smirk.

He pulled her down again. "Pay for it."

"And what's the price, if I may ask?" She followed his game.

He gave her a mischievous look. "Come closer and I'll tell you."

Beckett leaned closer, knowing what the ransom would be. He captured her mouth with his on a hungry kiss, bringing her closer, which made her sit on his lap to avoid an awkward position.

Kate's mind took command again, when she realized they were making out in the middle of the sidewalk, she sitting on Castle's lap in front of his building, with his doorman trying to look like he was minding his own business, but with a traitorous smile betraying him.

She stood up pushing Castle away, licking her lips and trying to get her cool back before she got into the car. Rick seemed really pleased with himself and that made her laugh inside.

"You exhibitionist! See you later." She said, kissing him again and running to get in the car before he had a chance to say anything back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** End of the chapter! I know it's SO cheesy, but I have to say that I'm happy with it. Dying to know your opinions though; good, bad, no matter what you have to say. Just leave a review, please? :)

Thank you all for reading, reviewing and adding to alerts and favs. You make this SO great!


	17. Chapter 17 Beginning

**A/N:** Hi, my babies! I'm SO sorry this has taken me so long. I've had the most horrible blocking… I've been trying to write this all week and there was no human way of making me think about something remotely good. I still don't know if this is any good, but anyway, I had to finish the story, I can't keep going on without ruining it and I just hope this last chapter doesn't do it.

Thanks for being patient and understanding. I hope you like this. If you don't, please let me know. I can take it :)

There is an Epilogue after this chapter. It will be posted at the same time, so be sure you read it. Enjoy :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 17. BEGINNING<strong>

On her way to her therapist's office she couldn't wipe the stupid smile that had taken home on her face. It had been a very long time since she had felt that carefree, that happy, and she was loving it.

She arrived early to Dr Burke's office, but only had to wait for a few minutes to get in. The therapist was sitting on his armchair with his soft but neutral smile on his face. He waved his hand to make her sit down. Beckett obeyed, taking her regular spot on the not-very-comfortable couch.

"Morning, Kate. How have you been this week?" The doctor asked.

Kate smiled; because that was the only thing she could do that day. "Morning, Doctor Burke. I've been fine. It's been a crazy week, but everything turned out fine."

Burke wrote on his pad and then looked back at Kate. "Well, tell me, what happened?" He waited until Kate nodded.

She looked down, trying to gather her memories and make a reasonable, yet detailed summary for the shrink. "Castle and I had a fight on Thursday. I took him to rehab and it didn't went well. He was pissed because of it and he said some mean things to me." She paused, looking at the doctor, who was still writing.

"What did he say?" Burke asked.

Kate's brow furrowed, she wasn't expecting that question. "He was angry and frustrated, he didn't mean any of those things. It doesn't matter."

Dr Burke stopped writing and looked at her in the eyes. "If what he said triggered a fight, it surely does matter."

"It was not what he said, most of it was ridiculous… We didn't even fight. He was pissed and he talked too much; that brought back some memories, bad memories." She paused, remembering her first weeks of rehab. "I did get mad at him but I knew how he was feeling, I couldn't blame him. I just left." Kate explained.

The doctor tore his eyes from his pad to look at her again. "You left him there?" He asked.

Kate shrugged. "Yes. He had a car waiting for him. It's not like I abandoned him in the middle of the desert." She couldn't help feeling a little ashamed. "He needed time and so did I."

"Ok. What did you do after you left?" The doctor asked.

"I went to my dad's cabin." A fuzzy feeling filled her by surprise. "It really surprised me how easy it was talking to him again, letting him back into my personal life after all this time. I, somehow, had put him at a safe distance after all the drinking problem. He's been sober for almost 9 years and I still couldn't trust him…" She felt really bad about that. "We talked a lot. He helped me realize some important things. It was like the old times." She finished, a nostalgic smile curling her lips.

Burke smiled. "When did you come back?" He asked.

"Last night."

"Have you talked to Castle? Because, I assume you know you have to talk to him, right?" The doctor pointed with a raised eyebrow.

Kate couldn't fight the little snort that escaped her lips. "Yeah, well, that would have been really hard to avoid, since he was waiting for me at my apartment's door when I arrived."

Kate could notice surprise on Burke's always-unreadable face. "He was?" The doctor asked.

Kate nodded. "Yes. I had talked to his daughter that afternoon and she told him I was coming back that night, so he decided to wait for me to apologize." She explained.

The doctor's face was back to neutral and his pen moved fast against the paper of his notepad. "What happened then?"

"We talked. He apologized, I apologized and we had dinner." She said. "He stayed the night." She let it out fast, feeling like a teen that's been caught making out with her boyfriend on the couch. "Nothing happened." She added. Ridiculous.

Burke smiled again. "What does that mean for you? Are you thinking about going with it? Taking that step?"

Kate took her time to bite her lower lip and think. "Yes. I'm going to do it. I want to do it. I guess I've already done it."

"Are you really sure about it?" The doctor asked.

Kate let out a breath. "I'm not sure about anything. I don't know if this is going to work and I don't know if I'll be able to recover if it doesn't. But I know I love him, and I know I'm more than tired of waiting." She simply said, meeting the doctor's eyes.

The therapist nodded, pausing his writing. "That's good, Kate. You know what you want and you're going for it. So, now you're officially together?"

"Well, we are, but we still have to talk about some things. I mean I don't want everybody to know just yet. We need to figure out some things before we can tell people." She said.

The therapist nodded. "Ok. I see you have things pretty clear." He left his pad on the small table by his chair. "Kate, you've been coming here for a long time. Over a year now."

Kate's eyebrows jumped in surprise. "Oh my God. I can't believe it's been so long…"

"Yes." The doctor smiled. "Have you appreciated any changes in yourself? Do you think this has helped you in any way?" he asked.

The detective took her time before she spoke. "Yes, of course. I mean, I'm still the same person; I have the same weaknesses. But now, I don't feel like they're a sin, like they make me unworthy. I know I can let them show from time to time. I've learnt that the people who love me are going to do it no matter what. I feel like I've grown to know that I can be myself without being scared of not being enough."

"I'm really impressed with all the progress you've done, Kate. I have to say I'm proud of it. When you came here the first time with all that baggage, the shooting, your mother's death… You were not easy. I had my doubts." The doctor said with a shy smile.

Kate pursed her lips in acknowledge. "Yeah, I understand."

Burke rubbed his chin and went on. "I think you are ready for the next step. I will see you once a month from now on. You can come between appointments if you feel you need it, but I think this is the best way to go. What do you think?"

The detective smiled broadly and nodded. "Yeah, I think it's a good idea."

"Ok, then." Doctor Burke stood up to shake her hand. "Just remember that if you need to come, whenever, for whatever reason, just do it, ok?" He admonished her.

Kate shook his hand and replied. "I will, doctor. Don't worry."

* * *

><p>After leaving her therapist office, Kate took sometime to go grocery shopping before heading to Castle's loft. He had told her that he would be alone all day - Alexis was meeting some friends after school and his mother was busy with her classes – so she decided she was going to cook him lunch.<p>

It was 10:30 in the morning when she opened the door to his loft with her own key. He was nowhere to be seen, but she could hear the muffled sound of typing coming from his study. Kate left the bag on the kitchen counter and went to meet him.

The detective knocked on the frame of the door before walking inside. "Hey, you're writing!" she said, not hiding her enthusiasm.

Rick moved his eyes from the screen of his laptop to her face and smiled. "Yes. Almost an hour straight, I can't believe it." he said, checking the clock he had on his table. "How was your meeting?"

Kate walked towards him and planted a kiss on his lips before she sat on his desk. "It went fine. I'll only have to go once a month now. Guess I'm not as screwed as I thought…" She joked.

Castle patted her knee, giving her a disapproving look. "You're not screwed, Kate."

She reached for the hand lying on her knee and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you." Her other hand moved to his head, combing his hair with her fingers. "How did this miraculous recovery of inspiration happened? You haven't written a word in months." She asked, pointing to the already darkened screen.

"Oh, that. It's a story on itself…" He said with a playful laugh. "I've been having these weird dreams lately. Things I find pretty familiar but I can't place, you know? When I arrived home this morning, mother was making breakfast and I told her about it. She said most of those things are actually real, bits of memories I still can't relate to, but they're there. I thought about it for a while and I decided that I would write all of it down. Maybe narrating it would help me find the missing pieces."

Kate nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I think that's a great idea. And you know, you can tell me about those dreams, I'm sure I'll be able to find some of those missing pieces for you."

He smirked, looking at her through the corner of his eye. "That was the plan, detective, but first I need to finish this." He said, rubbing her thigh with his thumb.

Castle and Beckett spent the next hour and a half, one writing on his laptop and the other sitting on an armchair right beside his desk, with one of his books in her hands and listening to the 'music' played by his fingers against the keys.

* * *

><p>By noon Kate was making lunch for both of them. Some mashed potatoes and a good steak. She knew he loved that. When she had everything ready she called him.<p>

"Hey, Castle! Lunch is ready." She yelled from the kitchen, taking the two plates to the dining table.

A minute later Rick was coming out of his study, hair tousled and eyes tired. "I don't know what it is but it smells delicious." He said, with a shiny smile on his face.

He attacked his food immediately, like he hadn't eaten in weeks. "Slow down, Castle. You're going to choke yourself." Kate warned him. He just gave her a grin and kept chewing his steak.

When they were finished and had a cup of coffee in their hands, they moved to the couch. Kate snuggled close to Rick, resting her head on his shoulder and tucking her legs to her side.

"Rick?" She started, "I think we need to talk about this."

He looked down at her and nodded. "Yeah. Wouldn't be a bad idea." a pause followed. "So, now we're a couple, right?" He asked feeling a little childish. This was ridiculous.

Kate laughed. "Yeah, I guess we are. I… I just want to keep this for us for a while. Are you ok with that?" She asked him. She was not sure if he would be ok with having it a secret after all they had been through.

Castle moved his arm around her shoulder and held her tight against him. "Yeah, I'm ok with it. As long as we're together I don't mind who knows and who doesn't." He said.

"Ok. We're good, then." She said snuggling even closer. "I just want to make you a deal. Wanna hear it?"

Rick arched an eyebrow in surprise. "Sure, shoot!"

Her right hand started playing with the buttons of his shirt as she talked. "You know, before the accident, you and I made a deal. We would go out on a first date, but we couldn't set a day because we were working like crazy, so we decided to make it spontaneously. Evidently, it never happened." She looked at him to make sure he was listening to her. When he nodded she continued. "So here's the deal. You have to go back to rehab, work your ass out there, and when you can walk by yourself, no crutches nor anything, when you can actually walk on those two beautiful feet of yours, you'll take me out on our first date." She paused to check on him again. "What do you think? Deal?"

Rick took his time to answer, making her think he was really pondering it. "Hmm. Well, I think it's a good deal, but I'd like to add something."

"Sure. Whatever." She said.

"Here's my part of the deal. When that day comes, as it's going to take long and we'll be more than sure about this working, we will tell everybody. No more hiding." He looked at her and he could see her face wincing a little. "Come on, detective, don't tell me you're scared."

"In your dreams, writer-boy. You're on." She said, moving herself from him and offering her hand for him to shake. "It's a deal."

"Ok, my beautiful detective, it's a deal." He said, shaking her hand.

All being said and agreed, they returned to their coffees and their relaxing afternoon in front of the TV, both knowing this was the first of a lot to come.

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><p><strong>AN:** Oh, I think I'm going to cry! I can't believe this is over… I've had a lot of fun writing this. Well, at least until this last week. I can tell you it's been hell not being able to put two words together. I still don't know if this is a good ending.

Anyway, we have the Epilogue. Please read it! :)

I want to thank Miniwriter305 for her reviews and ideas -I can't send you PMs so I have to thank you through this - And all of you who have been reading and reviewing all the way from beginning to end. You rock, guys. My thanks too to sognosemoreamore (tumblr name) for her help on the food department. Not that I was very original... :P

I've had 120 alerts, 46 favorites and 88 reviews so far. This is my second story and I can't tell you how happy you've made me :D

I can only say this over and over again: Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank you! Thank You!

Please review if you have something to say. Whatever it is! :)


	18. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

_**Eight months later…**_

Beckett was wrapping up the final details on their last case report, writing as fast as she was able to, so she could leave early. The last two weeks had been hell. They had been stuck with a high profile case, spending long hours at the precinct, with no new leads to follow and frustration creeping around them. But, at last, after a hundred interrogations, interviews, autopsy reports and records of all kind, they had caught the guy. Now, she was ready to call it a day and relax in front of the TV, with a glass of wine and Castle wrapped around her. Yeah, that was a wonderful plan.

Her Writer-boy had been the only good thing during that case. He waited for her at nights, no matter the hour she got to his loft; he was awake and ready to listen to her rambling about the case. He had been helpful in order to find the killer, as always, but he didn't need to know that. He had fed her, listened to her and put her to bed every single night, and she was so thankful for it.

She stopped writing to think about their eight months together. They had been simply wonderful. No one knew about it yet, only Martha and Alexis, and just because it would had been pretty stupid trying to hide the obvious, when she started spending there almost every night but never used the guest room. She shook her head and resumed her writing. She really needed to get out of there. After a few minutes of work, she took a break to get a cup of coffee. Another thirty minutes and she'd be off the hook for the weekend.

When she was pouring the cream into her cup she heard some jumble in the bullpen. She thought it would be a fussy suspect disturbing the precinct's relative calm. The thought vanished when she heard people clapping and cheering.

She grabbed her coffee and walked out the break room, stopping on her tracks when she saw Castle, _her_ Castle, surrounded by every cop in the room, shaking hands with everyone and smiling like a freak. But, that was not the thing. The thing was that he was actually walking. On his own. No trace of the forearm crutches he had been stuck to for months.

He spotted her in a second, his smile softened as his eyes fixated on her. He escaped the bunch of people surrounding him and walked towards her followed by Ryan and Esposito. Kate's mouth was open and she couldn't hide the surprise of seeing him walk on his own for the first time.

Rick stopped right in front of her, grinning like an idiot. "You'll catch flies, detective." He said, pushing her mouth shut with a finger to her chin.

Kate smiled. "You really know how to make an entrance, Castle." She said.

Esposito and Ryan laughed at that. "The man's been missing for a year, boss. We all missed him here." Ryan said, patting Castle on the shoulder.

"Yeah, bro. It was time to see you around." Esposito told him. "Still up for Poker night next week? After this case I really need to chill out and win a couple of bucks from you, losers." He added with a smirk.

They all laughed, nodding in agreement. "Yes. I can't wait to have you guys there. It's been a long time since you could come." Rick added.

He turned to Beckett "Well, detective, I'm here for one reason. You and I had a deal, I don't know if you'll remember?" He asked.

Kate gave him a shy smile. Of course she remembered. They had agreed that they would have their first date - yes, it was stupid when they had been together for so long – when he was able to take her out walking on his feet. It was something they had pending, going out as a real couple. The deal included one more thing, something that made her really nervous, but that she knew was the time to do.

The detective bit her lower lip and smiled. "Of course I remember. I came up with that deal." She said.

"Just half of it." Castle added.

Esposito and Ryan shared a confused look. "Yeah, they're leaving us out of the conversation again, bro." Esposito said.

Kate rolled her eyes and started walking towards her desk. She still had work to do before she and Castle could leave. "Your chair's been waiting for you all this time, Castle." She told him, pointing to the piece of furniture with her eyes.

"How thoughtful of it. We had a very close relationship, you know." He joked, taking his place on it. He wasn't conscious of how much he had missed being there, until he crossed the entrance door downstairs.

Kate went back to her report while Castle talked with the boys and made plans for their upcoming Poker night. She was done in twenty minutes, standing from her chair and putting on her coat. They walked to the elevator followed by the two detectives.

While they waited for the elevator to arrive, Kate looked at Castle suspiciously. "So tell me, how have your walking skills improved so much from this morning to right now?" She asked.

Castle grinned, "Well, let's say I wanted to keep our deal but I wanted it to be a surprise. It wouldn't have worked if you knew I could walk by myself."

Kate opened her mouth to reply but Ryan interrupted her. "Wait a minute, how do you know what were his walking skills this morning?" The young detective asked.

Esposito joined his partner. "Yeah, what's going on here? Are you hiding anything form us?" He asked.

On that precise moment the elevator doors opened. Kate patted Esposito's cheek and leaned to talk on his ear. "Oh, you have no idea…" She turned around and got into the elevator with Castle, putting her arms around his neck and kissing him senseless while the doors shut closed.

The writer couldn't stop the burst of laughter when she broke the kiss. "Oh my God! Have you seen their faces?" He said all excited. "I can't believe you've done that, hun, but it's been totally worth it."

Kate laughed too and took his hand in hers as they walked out of the building, the sun setting already and staining everything on an orangey shade. "Ok, Castle, first date. Where are you taking me?" She asked, hooking her arm with his and _walking_ by his side for the first time in over a year.

**THE END**.

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><p><strong>AN:** Well, my friends, this is it. I'm really sad this story has come to an end. It's been a catharsis from life for me. Something that's helped me forget about the stressing and sometimes too demanding routine. I just hope this has been as fun and entertaining for you as it's been for me.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have been reading this from the very beginning to the very end. I really appreciate it.

Thanks too to all of you who took the time to review, making my day with just a couple of kind words. Story alerts and favorites really helped too. You're all great, guys.

Until the next story! :D


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